This morning we received word from the clinic that our surrogate had a negative test result. Crap. Double crap. Crrrraaaap!!! If I wasn’t in my car when I got the email I would have dropped to the ground and flopped around like an alligator…talk about a Manic Monday -- sheesh Ganesh!
Ok, time to regroup. This is obviously devastating and a big surprise (especially considering we transferred five very good embryos), but we are not giving up. Over the next few months we are going to work hard to make parenthood happen for us. We feel we have at least one more shot with the embryos frozen in Mumbai, so we’ll set things in motion for another surrogate asap. We’re trying to schedule a call with the clinic soon so we can get some recommendations and next steps, including an indication of why this didn’t take on our first try. I understand this is not an exact science, but we want to gather as much information as possible to get it straight in our heads (though I’m not sure that will ever happen). And we know there is some hope in using the B and C embryos we have frozen, just our odds are not as good. There are success stories everywhere, so that helps a bit.
Along with moments of insanity and fits of anger and sadness, there are a several things that eat away at our hearts and minds right now…
1. The fact that we lost such good embryos – 3 A’s and 2 B’s! OUCH.
2. Was our surrogate prepped well enough?
3. Was there something that went wrong on the egg or sperm donor side?
4. How will our embryos survive the thaw?
5. And lastly, I HATE breaking bad news to people that have been so supportive. Kelsey was such a hard call to make, though she took it very well, even on her birthday. And I just labored over having to call Bill to tell him the news, as he had just left the house when the email came in. I wanted to be there to hug him and be comforted and reassured by him. He’s my rock.
All these issues, questions, excuses, endless projections and wondering of what will be are like bumper cars in my head. And really, at this moment, what we are left with is the same answer we received this morning…Unfortunately, it's a negative,...I am sorry :(
But do not fear. We are back on our feet. This adventure WILL continue. Stay tuned.