Monday, October 5, 2009

A Big Thumbs Down...

This morning we received word from the clinic that our surrogate had a negative test result.  Crap. Double crap. Crrrraaaap!!! If I wasn’t in my car when I got the email I would have dropped to the ground and flopped around like an alligator…talk about a Manic Monday -- sheesh Ganesh!

Ok, time to regroup.  This is obviously devastating and a big surprise (especially considering we transferred five very good embryos), but we are not giving up.  Over the next few months we are going to work hard to make parenthood happen for us.  We feel we have at least one more shot with the embryos frozen in Mumbai, so we’ll set things in motion for another surrogate asap.  We’re trying to schedule a call with the clinic soon so we can get some recommendations and next steps, including an indication of why this didn’t take on our first try.  I understand this is not an exact science, but we want to gather as much information as possible to get it straight in our heads (though I’m not sure that will ever happen).  And we know there is some hope in using the B and C embryos we have frozen, just our odds are not as good.  There are success stories everywhere, so that helps a bit.

Along with moments of insanity and fits of anger and sadness, there are a several things that eat away at our hearts and minds right now…

1.  The fact that we lost such good embryos – 3 A’s and 2 B’s!  OUCH.
2.  Was our surrogate prepped well enough?
3.  Was there something that went wrong on the egg or sperm donor side? 
4.  How will our embryos survive the thaw?
5.  And lastly, I HATE breaking bad news to people that have been so supportive.  Kelsey was such a hard call to make, though she took it very well, even on her birthday.  And I just labored over having to call Bill to tell him the news, as he had just left the house when the email came in.  I wanted to be there to hug him and be comforted and reassured by him.  He’s my rock.

All these issues, questions, excuses, endless projections and wondering of what will be are like bumper cars in my head.  And really, at this moment, what we are left with is the same answer we received this morning…Unfortunately, it's a negative,...I am sorry :(

But do not fear.  We are back on our feet.  This adventure WILL continue.  Stay tuned.


  1. You're kidding?! No, I thought you were in with such a strong chance. Sorry to hear this. Bugger.

    Definitely next time - the odds are in your favour.

  2. Tell me about it. I WISH I was kidding. The blood test showed a negative. I wonder in my head if this could be wrong...but I guess I'm just fighting it???!!! Hoping the odds are in our favor with our remaining 1 B and 9 C's.

  3. I am so so sorry to hear this. I too thought had a excellent shot at things this first cycle.

    I know it is not much comfort for you at this time, but other IPs have had FET success with less than "A" embryos. Hopefully yours are frozen in straws in small enough numbers per straw so that you have multiple cycle options possible (our frozen unused embies are no more than 2 per straw so we can thaw only as many needed for another cycle).

    I would suggest talking personally with your clinic / agency about your next steps. There are some things (like the notification about your pregnancy test results) that in my opinion should not be handled by email, yet that still seems to happen.

  4. Thanks for your input,'s helpful, really. I was guessing that we'd do five each time on the next two tries, if we need to. I hate to assume but I think it would be illogical to put all ten embies in one straw because Rotunda's policy is to transfer no more than five, right? Guess I should have clarified that one. Oh, lessons learned! Expensive ones, at that.

  5. The strategy on freezing we had talked through with our docs was as follows: If we needed to try a FET cycle, they would first thaw a straw of two and assess how the embryos do. If they're both good, they'd then thaw one of the single straws and assess it. If not both good, thaw a straw of two instead and take it from there... this left us with the maximum options without "wasting" embryos for a possible cycle afterward.

    My first cycle was a positive and my partner's was a negative (we split our ED's eggs between us and still each have 5-6 embryos frozen). Eventually we're going to try another cycle with my partner's embryos so this strategy will come into play for us. Our IVF clinic will usually only transfer 3 embryos max. at at time, only in exceptional circumstances will they allow more (with < Grade 1 / Grade A embryos might be an example of this, or say we have four "good ones" after thawing).

    The max. 3 for transfer proved to be a smart policy for us since my positive was initially triplets and we may have had to face selective reduction... nature intervened so we now have twins at 19 weeks. I shudder to think what could have happened had we had more than 3...

    With 10 you have lots of options ahead of you. You just need to talk it through thoroughly with your doctor(s) to make sure you you're all on the same page when it comes to decision time at thawing.

  6. This is great info, Todd. Thank you. Hoping for the best.

  7. Oh guys this is disappointing news but not the end of the road by any means.

  8. I am so sorry to hear such bad news, but many others have become pregnant with B & C grade embyos.
    So, deep breath, talk over your options, make informed choices, it will happen,

  9. Guys, I am so very sorry. I know the pain all too well. We transfered 5 grade A's and B's on both 1st and 2nd transfers and still had negatives. It just plain SUCKS!!! I believe its all the luck of the either works or not. No real reason, just mother nature. But I totally get the, why? What went wrong? What could we have done more? endless questions. We asked ourselves over and over and over. Know that you are not alone in your heartache. Many of us feel your pain and are with you as you take time to grieve and move forward with Plan B.

    Prayers to you both,

  10. Hello,
    Ganesha was not with you this time, but it will difinitively one day.
    For us it took 4 times to get pregnant, and now we are about 7 weeks pregnants with twins !! (also with Rotunda).
    We had a bad experience with frozen embryos. For me it was a waiste of time and money to transfert grade C thaw embryos, but i know that it could work. However, if the chance is only 10%, for me it is better to repeat the process all over again.

    Good Luck

  11. Thanks for your comments, Phil, and congratulations on the twins. That's such great news for you! Just wondering if you are using an Indian egg donor? We would really like to exhaust all possibilities with these embies just because we took the time to use my niece, so I guess the lower odds are part of the deal, for now. We still haven't figured out if we are going to the next step of an Indian ED if this second attempt fails, but we'll see. Thanks for the good wishes. We'll keep you posted.

  12. I'm so very sorry you got a negative. I know how difficult it can be. When you are ready, it might be a good idea to talk with the doctors and asking them what they would recommend for you to have the best chances with a FET cycle. It might make it easier for you to decide what to do next.

  13. Hello,
    yes we used an Indian ED.
    This time i had little input in the choice of the ED. The doctor proposed me 2 ED for which they had very good success.
    If you want to discuss more in details you can write to this adress:


  14. I hate this news, and was sorry it was delivered by email. I know the loss of embryos and how devastating it is. Count your blessings and gather your strength for next time.

  15. Guys
    Again I am so sorry to hear this.
    I hope you guys take some time to process the news and then, once the pain and shock subsides (and it will), you can strategize more clearly about your next moves. Right now it might seem like such an unreachable goal but it will happen as long as you keep your hopes up.
    All the best

  16. Oh guys. We are so sorry to hear this...but listen; don't lose hope!

    Your baby is out there waiting for you, and if this wasn't it then they are still out there, waiting, for you two.

    Don't give up the dream, it WILL happen. Be strong Dads, they're coming. :)

    Matt and Todd. xo

  17. So sorry to hear this news. I know you must be really disappointed.

    Keep positive. There's a baby out there for you!


  18. Hi Guys, We are both so sorry for the negative result. We are keeping you in our thoughts and hoping for a positive result this time. I am sorry I didn't respond sooner. I usually read all the blogs once a week. Please keep us posted on your journey. We are rooting for you!! :)