Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Trusting the Universe

We are a little less than a month away from our trip to Mumbai and I am just as excited and anxious and giddy as I have been since April, but I admit there is a tinge of uneasiness flitting through my body. It's kind of like when the reality of what you are doing and working so hard for every day is finally upon you, the thought of failing can send you into a brief moment of terror.

I guess because up until now it's been all about FERTILE, FERTILE, FERTILE -- fertile surrogates, fertile 25-year-old niece's eggs, fertile Bill sperm, fertility doctors, we've got this fertility thing up the wazoo! you'd think the combination of all these extremely fertile individuals HAS to equal a zygote to an embryo to a fetus, to voila!, a BABY, right?! I've even realized that most clinic's pregnancy success rates are based on couples who are having problems staying pregnant, so those percentages should be much, much higher for the big, fat fertility possie who will be converging upon Mumbai on September 18th, RIGHT?!

Well, while the numbers lean that way, I only wish things could be that sure and fail proof when it comes to what we are doing. In the end, we wish, we hope, we prepare, we do the best fertility dance we can muster up...and then we impregnate. After that we leave it up to "something else" orbiting outside the universe of meds, embryologists, motility counts, the perfect womb and 25-year old eggs. And we wait. And while I'm not going to ponder what that "something else" is on this blog, I do know this: if given the chance, Bill and I will pour our heart and souls in to raising this child, surround it with love and family and friends, give it the gift of a good education and as much of the abundancies of life we can afford, and send it out in to the world confident we did the best we could.

On this I speak the truth.


  1. But will you expose it to Blake Wagner??

  2. Hi Doug and Bill,

    Wishing you tons of baby dust on your upcoming cycle.

    Can I ask how much it cost to send sperm to India?

    You are welcome to contact me directly at if you like.

    Kind Regards,

  3. Hey guys

    You deserve to be parents and the universe has a way of conspiring to effect the dreams of those who really want something. Don't stop believing for one minute that this will happen for you. The odds are on your side for sure. Only positive thoughts!


  4. Hi guys! This is Andrea (in italian is a male name, don't be surprised... ;O))) from Rome!

    I just subscribed your blog as me and my partner Dario are thinking to start the same journey!
    We are 44 years old and we're together since 1986 (so it's almost 23 years) as we met at university. We live together since 1998 and we feel time has come for us to start a new chapter of our life together.
    I would be very glad to keep in contact with you also in private.
    This is my and I am on Facebook (my name is Andrea Rubera).
    Good luck and a big hug!

  5. I'm sending BIG FAT FERTILE prayers your way...

  6. We all get the moments of paralyzing terrors. You'll enjoy yourself immensely! Good luck, all the ducks are lined up for you guys.