A little about us...

I can’t believe I’ve started this blog. It’s taken me a few months and hopefully I’m over the hump and I’ll stick with it. All of our friends keep saying that we need to document this baby journey experience because it will be so special to have to look back on one day. I’m starting a little late because actually this journey started in January of 2006. But not until January 2009 did we really believe that this would become a reality...I'll try get everyone up to speed in the next few posts so I'm blogging in somewhat real time. Here goes...

I say “we” so let me introduce my partner, Bill. My guess is that he won’t be blogging on this site but I’m sure he’ll be reading it. Bill and I have been together for thirteen years this past February. He’s the most wonderful person I know and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have him in my life and as my soul mate. Bill is from Maryland and I was born and raised in Hawaii, where we live now. What's ironic is that he looks like he is from Hawaii and I look like I'm from Maryland...funny how things work out.

Bill’s ethnic background is Bolivian and Lithuanian (his mother grew up in Bolivia and his grandparents on his father’s side immigrated from Lithuania). I am a white mutt...I think I’m French, Scottish, English...something like that. Let’s just say Northern and Western European for the ease of it all. Bill and I have been through a lot over the years. It’s brought us closer together and made me realize how wonderful a father he would be. I think together the balance of our personalities will create a wonderful environment for a child, and we have so much love and support from our families and friends that it makes the prospect of a child even more exciting...

Bill and I have been talking about being parents for over over three years now. It all started when we (or maybe I) turned 40, woke up and said, “who’s gonna take care of us when we get old?”. And while we understood that having children is way more than just that, it was kind of a catalyst to get our butts in gear and start exploring. And so the process of finding how we were going to do this began...

I’m going to keep this part short and sweet, because 1) my memory is getting worse as i get older and 2) it’s not incredibly interesting. We explored several different avenues such as surrogacy in the U.S. (way too expensive and not covered by insurance if you are considered “fertile” -- but as another gay couple looking in to U.S. surrogacy said on their blog, “OF course we aren't fertile because we don’t have a uterus!” I laughed out loud when i read that). We also considered adoption (a long wait and no guarantees), foster parenting (we determined that we just weren’t cut out to take something like this on -- bless those who do because it’s a big job, aside from the parenting part), and then back to surrogacy, but this time not in the U.S. but in India (more on that in the rest of this blog and hopefully, fingers crossed, ending up with a baby).

All these options were obviously complicated, but more importantly they begged the question asked by children all the time -- “so where DO babies come from?” Most people would answer that question with “from a man and a woman.” I've found over the years that for me that isn't so. Since gay men are challenged in the fertile area (no uterus, remember???) we need to go to great lengths to have children (just as heterosexual couples with fertility problems do). And along the way you discover how the world views you doing this -- some support it, some don't, and some are just plain confused. What I found ultimately is that babies come from SO much more than just a man and a woman -- they come from all the people and experiences leading up to that point in your life when you decided to become a parent. From your mother. Your father. Brothers and sisters, cousins and nephews and nieces (more on nieces later). The house you grew up in. Your friends. Your friend’s kids. Your co-workers and their kids. From your dog and cat. From a bad experience that moves you in to a good one, a good one to a bad. From people that love parenthood and people that may not be so good at it. From your beliefs and morals, and values. I came to believe that children come from everywhere. And to be honest, I was quite relieved when I came to that realization. Mostly because it gave me confidence and the conviction to move forward with every fiber in my body, to become the parents Bill and I want to be, and to begin the next chapter in our lives. Talk about ENLIGHTENMENT...

So on we go...

Next Up: How we got to where we are today, a quick read (kind of).