Looking for Baby...

Another milestone!

2012-01-28T12:15:00.000-08:00

Well today is a big day as we've hit another milestone -- viability! And it feels amazing to not talk in weeks but MONTHS! SIX MONTHS PREGNANT. It's just awesome to think that in just a few short months we'll be with our little girl. We are so lucky. And so, so thankful to our surrogate every single day...

In the meantime, lots happened this week. We are almost done with our registry, which means we have made multiple trips to the baby stores to try things out, kick the tires of the strollers, see if they fit in the trunks of our cars, make sure the wood of the crib will match the room (we're so gay), try on baby slings, and shop, shop, shop...thank goodness for baby showers and the fact that everyone loves babies. Cuz this one is gonna be SPOILED.

Here are some photos of our baby preparations and adventures this past week...

Chloe waiting for her little sister to arrive...oh and the nursery to be done!

Bill trying on a sling (not that kind!). Note the fake baby (?)

Even the tallest stroller looks like a mini-stroller next to me... and yes, my eyes are closed!

"Dude, we need to start the nursery..."

2012-01-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

I told him don't get too used to doing this come May.

1 pound mango and nearly a foot long!

2012-01-21T17:04:00.000-08:00

23 weeks today!!! which means our little girl is the size of a mango and is nearing 12 inches in length!

I'm still scratching my head and saying "How are we almost to the third trimester??" It's shocking how fast the last several weeks have flown by. Yes, everyone said they would, but it seems I've merely blinked my eyes since we reached 12 weeks...and I really thought we'd have time to do much, much more...

Like choose a crib, a stroller, a car seat, pack up the guest room and start planning the nursery, figure out what other "stuff" we need and put it on (or better yet, create) a baby registry, figure out how we are going to be sane after two baby showers in Hawaii and one in LA, research pediatricians!...coordinate my leave from work for the month of May (get caught up at work, for that matter), and I'm absolutely positive I'm missing 1,000 other things but it's really time to get our butts in gear for this baby.

In the meantime, here's what's happening at 23 weeks!

Battles of Epic Proportion

2012-01-20T14:00:00.000-08:00

I've often said if someone told me three years ago that it would take us this long to get where we are now, I am pretty sure we would have walked in the other direction and decided to not move forward with our dreams of being fathers. Yes, it would have sucked big time, but at least we would have made a decision based on something, anything, that resembled an actual proven fact in the process of trying to adopt, or conceive, or be successful at IVF. But for some reason, even after initial failures and dead end after dead end, and years of trying, something gave us the strength to continue. Call it divine intervention or a strange alignment of the stars, but one of those strengths I feel came from our experiences in India, at a clinic in Mumbai, with a particular doctor named Gautam Allahbadia, who gave us a piece of the Hindu faith in the form of a trinket, or what I readily call "happy crap"...but crap I don't believe it was. It was something more...

Dr. Allahbadia gave us a plexiglas DURGA that was sitting on his desk as we left the clinic (only to enter our anxiety-ridden and tortuous two-week-wait). It was handed to us in an almost spontaneous fashion, with a lengthy description of what the Hindu goddess DURGA represented, one of "strength and determination, manifesting fearlessness and patience, never losing her sense of humor, even during spiritual battles of epic proportion" (you can say that again, doc...to call our battle EPIC would be an understatement!). Most importantly, though, it was a gift from a man who would have a hand, one of many I might add, in helping us become parents. We were appreciative, but we really had no idea how important this second-hand, chipped and worn plexiglas cube would be to us as we placed it in our bags. Our two weeks were up and you know what happened, we didn't get pregnant. We actually failed twice in India. And to be honest, I really felt like throwing that plexiglas piece 'o happy crap Durga out the window. I decided to keep it, though (being the closet hoarder that I am), but tucked it away somewhere, because it was actually becoming painful to look at it. I mean, I could barely even look at our photos from India without a pang of hurt and sourness jolting through my body. But eventually that jolt turned in to a small shock, and a shock in to an irritating poke, and then eventually, it disappeared...and we renewed our strength. And the Durga came out again. I actually wrapped it up as a Christmas present to Bill over a year after it was given to us, confirming that we were on this journey for the reward at the end -- a baby. And we weren't stopping until we were successful, what ever "EPIC" battle we had to face. Little did we know there were two more battles to come, two more pregnancies that ended in an early miscarriage...which absolutely crushed us. Sourness and bitterness ensued, the Durga went back in to hiding, and I had yet another birthday and thought..."WTF?!!!!!" It was at that time that Bill and I sat down and had some serious conversations about how we were going to get pregnant with a capital "P" before the end of 2011. It was August, time was ticking, and we felt we had one more shot in us a la "turkey baster method" and then we were going to go back to IVF. We decided to do our research, choose a clinic, get all the testing completed, and even went as far as choosing an egg donor, when, well, we got pregnant again, for the third time. "This was going to be it", we thought. Once again, our strength was renewed. And the Durga came out.

I feel that strength comes from many places. But I never thought it would come in the form of a piece of plexiglas. The Durga has been on a shelf in our media room for several months now. The other day I took a picture of it, and I knew that finally this Hindu god had looked down and smiled upon us, rewarding us for our courage and bravery, during one of the most EPIC battles of our lives.

At this point it feels awesome to have survived the fight, to have gained the knowledge we have in the past several years, and to think that one day maybe we could tell this story of perseverance to our daughter. The story of how her daddies fought with everything (literally everything) they had to bring their little princess in to this world. And how they learned a lot about themselves and what they could ultimately endure. I'm hoping it will be her favorite bed time story. Wouldn't that be just the happiest ending ever?

The Liebster Award and to all the blogs I've loved before...

2012-01-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

Oh golly, I'm not so good with expressing thanks to those who appreciate me ("I'm not worth, I'm not worthy"),...but I am so very honored that our blog was chosen by fellow bloggers for a Liebster Award. Special heartfelt thanks to Darshana in Canada who just gave birth as a surrogate to a beautiful girl, Hazel; to Mike and Tony, who I have loved following and getting to know their beautiful girl, Zoey; and to Cinderella and Prince Charming who are trying to conceive as we speak (good luck girls!)!...you all made my day for nominating our crazy blog for an award and I have to apologize for my tardiness in posting about this -- I've been busy trying to pull a baby registry together in our second trimester...I'm seriously overwhelmed! The truly wonderful thing about these people and others that comment on blogs, write their own blogs, follow them, and are a resource for others, is that I consider this scattering of folks from around the world my friends. And I know it sounds crazy but one day I hope to meet you all because your support has kept our dream alive. I can't thank you enough for encouraging me when I've been down and out and ready to give up, and I hope to be the same inspiration to others going through infertility as you have been to me. Big, big hugs to you all!

A little background on the Liebster Award, if you haven't come across it already (which is doubtful :-)):

Liebster is a German word that means ‘dearest’ or ‘beloved’, but can also mean ‘favorite’. The idea of the award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers. The Award comes with a few rules. You’re supposed to:

Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them
Reveal your top 5 picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog
Post the award on your blog
Bask in the love from the most supportive people in the blogosphere – other bloggers
Hope your recipients pass the award to their 5 favorite blogs to keep the love flowing

My picks for my favorite blogs are (this was hard, believe me, as evident by the fact that I've listed more than five)...

Mike and Mike of Spawn of Mike and Mike. I happened upon this fascinating, hilarious and informative blog when I was searching for other IPs who had been to India, specifically to the clinic we were using in Mumbai. I was not looking for a blog per se, nor was I planning on writing one for almost three years, but that is what happened -- and as psychotic as it sounds after all the heartache and pain we've gone through since then, finding their blog was one of the best things that ever happened. It allowed me to create what we have today which is a network of friends who support one another. I remember reading their blog from beginning to end, at work! It took me hours and I got nothing done that day because I was riveted by their journey and by Mike's biting humor, which cracked me up with every post. When I started this blog I wanted to be as funny as Mike but I think I consistently fall short. To boot, Mike is from Hawaii...which totally ROCKS! And their two daughters Rose and Eva are just as cute as ever.

Terry and Steve of Christmas Eve Boys. Another blog that I have been reading the entire time we have been trying to have a baby. I am really indebted to these first two blogs and their writers, and I even wrote about my gratitude in a July 2009 post called Baby Hiccup. Terry and Steve had several obstacles in the beginning before their two beautiful boys Jag and Ajay came in to their lives in September 2010, and their experience and ultimate success was one of the things that fueled me to continue pursuing fatherhood. Thanks Terry, you've become a good blog friend and your words of encouragement have made a huge difference!

Sean of Bollywood to Hollywood Road to Parenthood. I'm just super glad that Sean is back after a long break from the blog world...he's had some rough spots in his journey but he's back with a vengeance and is 14 weeks pregnant with a surrogate in India.

Edward of Faith to Vishwas. Edward has been another super amazing encouraging force as we were trying to conceive. His comments were always calm and positive. He is also very smart and funny and his writing reflects this. I don't know how he finds the time to actually write a blog since he and his partner have triplets, Vivian, Aria and Sidney, born in India in 2010. He must get no sleep!

Toban of North Star. The love that Toban has for his son, Orion, is awesome. His posts are short and so sweet and special...I feel the love from Canada, Toban! Like many of these other blogs, trying to get pregnant wasn't always easy...and Toban took his lumps and kept on trudging until Orion came in to his life last year via a surrogate in India.

Jason and Adrian of Stalking the Stork. Finally, Jason and Adrian are two great guys that we met in Los Angeles last year after running in to each other on our blogs. They are expecting twins right behind us with a surrogate in India. Jason and I share the same concern of being older parents, amongst other things...and he also went to school in Honolulu years and years ago. If his parents didn't move to the "mainland" we most likely would have attended Punahou School together (I must add, however, that he would have been a couple grades ahead of me). Jason is a great writer, very astute, and has a wonderful sense of humor about becoming a parent.

Ok, so the funny thing is that I had planned to just list my favorite blogs, but now this sounds like a love letter to all the blogs I've loved before. Sorry, I digress.

Now I've just gots to go...only 118 days left to shop for our little girl!!!

21 weeks today! And screw cognitive dissonance!

2012-01-07T16:01:00.000-08:00

Yet another parenting article, this time in the Huffington Post and I would say more controversial. Having struggled emotionally, financially, in our relationship, and in many areas of our life to get to this point in our pregnancy, I personally feel this is a crock of crap (I'm being nice). But heck it's an interesting study and if you make it to the end, there's a bit of a payoff for making the "sacrifice" to become parents.

Basically my thought is you live the life you choose!!!...and even more so with surrogacy and IPs, there's an added cost on the front end...even BEFORE all the other "expensive" things come in to play after birth. So we all knowingly embark on this journey of trying to have children via surrogacy, understanding that it will be expensive, and still we go through with it. I believe it's a testament to the fact that all we really want is to become parents and raise a child.

Again, an interesting read and for the record, I don't believe any of it!

Except for maybe the child labor part! :-)

I'm sure this will get a reaction from some of the parents out there...would love to hear your opinions.

To read the article on the Huffington Post site click here.

Joyful Parenthood:

The Ultimate Cognitive Dissonance?

Raising children is hard, and any parent who says differently is lying. Parenting is emotionally and intellectually draining, and it often requires professional sacrifice and serious financial hardship. Kids are needy and demanding from the moment of their birth to... well, forever.

Don't get me wrong. I love my children dearly, and can't imagine my life without them. But let's face the facts: Study after study has shown that parents, compared to adults without kids, experience lower emotional well-being -- fewer positive feelings and more negative ones -- and have unhappier marriages and suffer more from depression. Yet many of these same parents continue to insist that their children are an essential source of happiness -- indeed that a life without children is a life unfulfilled.

How do we square this jarring contradiction? Two psychological scientists at the University of Waterloo think they have the answer. They suspect that the belief in parental happiness is a psychological defense -- a fiction we imagine to make all the hard stuff acceptable. In other words, we parents have collectively created the myth of parental joy because otherwise we would have a hard time justifying the huge investment that kids require.

In the jargon of the field, this is called "cognitive dissonance" -- the psychological mechanism we all use to justify our choices and beliefs and preserve our self-esteem. Richard Eibach and Steven Mock decided to explore the role that such self-justification plays in parental beliefs about their irreversible choice to have and raise children. They focused on economic hardship, and here's how they studied the costs of parenthood in the lab:

They recruited 80 fathers and mothers, each parent with at least one child under age 18. The parents were about 37 years old on average, and the kids were about eight. Half the parents were primed to focus on the financial costs of parenting. They read a government document estimating that the costs of raising a child to age 18 exceed $190,000. The other parents got this information as well, but they also read about the financial benefits of parenting -- that is, the fact that adult children often provide financial and practical support to aging parents. The idea was that some of the parents would be mentally calculating the out-of-pocket costs of having kids, while others would be left thinking of children as a mixed blessing, at least financially.

Then the scientists gave the parents a psychological test designed to measure how much they idealized parenting: Did they agree strongly (or not) that there is nothing more rewarding than raising a child? Do adults without kids experience emptiness in their lives? And so forth.

Finally, they measured the parents' feelings of mental and emotional dissonance: Do you feel uncomfortable, uneasy, bothered?

Eibach and Mock were testing a couple ideas. First, they suspected that parents who were focused on the costs of parenthood would be more likely to experience feelings of conflict and discomfort -- because they would be torn between the reality they have chosen and the costs of that choice. But second, they also expected that these negative feelings would motivate them to idealize parenthood in order to trump the negative feelings.

And that's what they found, with a slight twist. If they measured the parents' feelings of emotional discomfort immediately after priming their thoughts about cost, they felt much worse than did the parents with a more mixed view of parenting. They were conflicted. But if the scientists first gave them the opportunity to idealize parenting and family life, and then measured their conflicted feelings, those negative feelings were gone. In short, thinking about the high costs of children created significant emotional discomfort, which motivated the parents to focus on the joys of parenting, which in turn dissipated the uneasiness over choosing such a difficult path.

As a parent, I find this remarkable and discomfiting. How else might I be fooling myself in order to justify the high costs of my decision to be a parent? The scientists were curious about this, too, and designed a different version of the experiment to find out. In this study, parents were again primed to think about their pricey life choice or both costs and benefits of parenting. But this time, the researchers asked the parents about their intrinsic enjoyment of various life activities: One was spending time with their children, and others were spending time with a romantic partner, or engaging in their favorite personal activity. They also asked them how much leisure time they hoped to spend doing something with their child on their next day off from work.

The results were clear. As reported on-line in the journal Psychological Science, the parents who had the high costs of children in mind were much more likely to say that they enjoyed spending time with their children, and they also anticipated spending more leisure time with their kids. In other words, being aware of parenthood's price tag made them idealize the time they spent with their kids, and this idealized image of family life led them to foresee more shared time in the future.

All this makes sense from a historical perspective, the scientists point out: In an earlier time, kids actually had economic value; they worked on farms or brought home paychecks, and they didn't cost that much. Not coincidentally, emotional relationships between parents and children were less affectionate back then -- and childhood was much less sentimentalized. Paradoxically, as the value of children has diminished, and the costs have escalated, the belief that parenthood is emotionally rewarding has gained currency. In that sense, the myth of parental joy is a modern psychological phenomenon.

This doesn't strike me as a bad thing entirely. We may be uneasy thinking of our families as all dollars and cents, but bank accounts don't lie. If knowing the bottom line makes us want to spend more time on kids instead of, say, TV or golf or work, that sounds like a healthy bargain for all involved.

20 weeks today!!!!!

2011-12-31T13:11:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Everyone! We hope everyone gets what they want in 2012!!

On another note, I thought I would re-post this...something I lifted from another blog. I found it pretty hilarious and a bit frightening all rolled in to one.

11 Lessons For Those Thinking About Having Children

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

Baby News Leakage

2011-12-29T13:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Facebook – I love you and I hate you.

You’re handy, convenient, and always at my fingertips. I use you for remembering people’s names and birthdays (more than once), keeping in touch with friends and family, for a laugh, a cry, a lurk, spy, poke, to joke around, for work, to share a thought, express a feeling, capture a moment, to network, make a statement, and much, much more. You name it, and I can get pretty close to accomplishing it with you. As much as I have enjoyed you over the years, you have become both my friend AND my enemy, and I’ve actually had thoughts of ending my torrid and somewhat psychotic affair with you.

But then I come back in to your welcome arms.

Facebook, you’re too good to leave, and too bad to stay.

Signed,

Soon-to-be-Papa Doug

Ok, I had to get it off my chest. Facebook has been trying my last nerve the last several months. My latest quandary with this social media phenomenon is what I’m calling “baby leakage”. I have to say, I have been very good about keeping our baby plans off of Facebook. The blog is one thing, as we have all benefited from the advice and counsel and heartfelt outpourings from our fellow blog friends...HOWEVER, Facebook is a black hole of nearly 1,000 friends (some who harken back to my kindergarten days). So while I have no problem with these people knowing our plans once our baby is born (or I guess I should say in the “safe zone”), I was not going to share our aches and pains with infertility, our multiple failed attempts, and my bouts with doubting this whole process with every person in my life that I've brushed shoulders with, or that was a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend. All that juicy stuff is reserved for you guys -- ha!

So anyway...as we slowly start to make our baby plans more and more public in small groups and one-on-one conversations with friends and family, we always remind people "Absolutely, positively, NO Facebook". That, however, seems to be impossible. That urgent need to share information immediately consumes and overcomes people. Alas!...I get a post of “congratulations!” from my niece that I respond to with a smiley face and a “like”. I take it in stride. The post is followed by several “likes” from other people “in-the-know”. I think “am I being paranoid?”. Probably, yes.

And then the day after Christmas my father posts that he’s so excited for his son Doug’s “Good News”. I remember explicitly telling my father "Absolutely, positively, NO Facebook about the baby" -- but apparently the almost 80-year-old has selective hearing. And so I didn’t comment, just let it sit there in cyberspace. And then a mutual friend posts on my wall “I want to know the good news!”…DARN! And so I text them, in my attempt to circumvent the omnipresent Facebook to avoid further leakage, "we’re not posting this on Facebook but…blah blah blah…we’re having a baby in May”. They’re excited, congratulate us. I wait a little longer and there seems to be no more fall out…and then I think, “Am I being outed by Facebook???” AM I being paranoid? Probably, yes.

So Mark Zuckerberg, while you’re making it very hard for us to avoid a big splashy baby announcement on my Facebook Timeline (that is what you’re calling it now, right?), please…have no fear because I know, in the not-so-distant future, we’ll cave and start letting people in on it, using your awesome power of information dissemination to mark the day and every day forward that our adorable little angel has changed our lives forever. And then, only then, will I consider taking you off my "sometimes" enemy status.

The Christmas Cake and Big Baby Gender Reveal

2011-12-25T12:48:00.000-08:00

Guess what it is???

Our surrogate coordinated the whole affair, and totally diverted our attention from the present she sent...and had a cake delivered by our good friend Natalie...

We are so happy! Merry Christmas everyone and thanks for following this small little hurdle!!! See the color of the inside icing for the announcement.

Cutting the cake...anticipation!

It's a girl!!!

Champagne with Uncle Marco and Uncle Scott after the anouncement!

Love and Aloha,

Doug and Bill

Let the festivities begin

2011-12-25T10:01:00.000-08:00

And we're opening the BIG GENDER REVEAL present LAST!!!! So it'll be a couple hours with five of us opening. But it's gonna happen SOON!!!

19 week (ish) ultrasound -- sans baby "bits"

2011-12-22T11:54:00.000-08:00

This morning we received a text from "M" that she was done with her ultrasound so I called and we talked for about 15-20 minutes. It was about 5 am so I was about half asleep, but was super happy to learn that everything looked good. Once again, baby was very active and it took over an hour to get all the measurements. At one point they saw our little 10-ounce miracle put its hand in its mouth, and open and close one hand! I'm picturing one thumb in the mouth and the other four fingers waving around yelling "look at me...look at me! suckers!!!" Heart rate was 149.

All the photos she sent were appropriately cropped or chosen to not include any "baby bits", so again happy to hear that they were able to identify the gender. She said it was very clear from the ultrasound. So of course I'm picturing a spread-eagle, thumb in mouth, wiggling fingers and saying "here I am!! hahaha!!"

Sorry, bad baby humor.

Here are some photos...they are photos of the scans so once she has a chance to scan them I'll try to re-post if they are more clear. Bill said looking at these is "similar to looking at clouds and finding animal shapes"..."hmmm...is that a snake???"

More bad baby humor.

All humor aside, we're so grateful. These are the first photos of our baby that actually LOOK like a baby. I see a nose, lips, a formed head and a cute little chin, an arm, and a full belly. I know we have another month or so until things truly are OK, but this is our precious little baby living and growing in our surrogate! Created by two sets of DNA that just happened to meet up in the right place, at the right time, under the right circumstances. This was our 10th attempt and things are looking so, so good. We are just hoping and praying for an uneventful four months so that come around May we can finally meet this miracle that we've been working so hard for over the past few years. Whilst in the throes of us trying to conceive I could never really see this day very clear, where we would be looking at a BABY, like you see in the pictures below. It was almost constantly overshadowed by ovulation dates, and fertility drugs, and airplane reservations and beta counts and taking a multitude of vitamins and supplements, and then the preoccupation with the fact that it was just taking so darn long! But finally it seems the dust is settling, and things should be clearer from here on out (until May anyway, after that all bets are off!). But if someone would have told me almost three years ago that it would have taken this long I am pretty sure we wouldn't have moved forward. And now here we are. Yes, we have more wrinkles and lines on our faces. We have spent a lot of money. We've argued. Cried. At times we've been resentful and angry. And I am not completely sure what exactly made us continue to move forward, and take the next step after each devastating failure, but I am pretty sure that this little boy or girl had something to do with it. All the wrinkles and lines, money, arguments, tears, anger and resentment is melting away. And it feels amazing.

Enjoy the photos!

Three days until the Big Baby Gender Reveal!

Profile 1

Profile, neck flexed

Profile 2

Five days away...

2011-12-20T18:10:00.000-08:00

We are five days away from finding out the sex of our child but the crazy thing is that our surro "M" is going to know in two days, actually less than two days! Her scan is on Thursday morning east coast time and I'm sure I'll be fidgeting in bed thinking about it. Ugh, the suspense is going to make me lose the last hair on my head (don't laugh)! But oh what a wonderful Christmas morning it will be. And unforgettable!

In other news, apparently this little baby is making "M" very hungry at all hours...in fact, I received an email from her this morning at 3 am east coast time saying she literally could not go back to bed without eating something..so off to get a rice crispy treat she went. Her prediction in the wee hours of the morning is that it was a boy, since he was so darn hungry all the time. She then went on to say that her boss calls babies in the womb "tiny dictators" -- I thought that was a hoot. Jason, reminded me of your post about what Adrian thought your ultrasound looked like. Ha!

OK, off to twiddle our thumbs, tap our fingers and, oh...Christmas shop!...(I'm so behind).

These five days are going to seem like an eternity! Hmph!

18 weeks!

2011-12-18T00:38:00.000-08:00

Wow, can't believe we're almost five months...and I'm being just terrible about this countdown to the Big Gender Reveal thing. Don't ever try to post every day leading up to Christmas...it's impossible with all the holiday parties and shopping.

But who cares because one week from tomorrow and we find out the gender!

We received the two packages from our surro "M" and she'll call us and let us know which one to open. My sister-in-law Sherri is having a Christmas Day open house and she's already sent out an email saying they'll be a "surprise announcement"...should be fun...though all we ultimately want is a healthy baby. Though there's something about knowing the sex for me because it just makes it more "real". I think this is a common issue with an expecting parent or parents with surrogates who don't live nearby (as I'm sure all of you who are working with surrogates in India understand very well)...we wait and cling on to every email, text, ultrasound photo, video and phone call with all the gory details because it's all we really have. Though "M" has been amazing about communicating everything...from belly shots to doctor's appointments to what the latest craving of the day is...including the packages she sent.

One heart. Two heart. Wonder which one we'll open on Christmas Day???

Happy Holidays everyone!

Q: What about Chloe?

2011-12-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

18 day countdown...

I grew up with animals my entire life. As a child, I remember always having puppies, kittens and fish, birds, mice,...and eventually adult animals, elderly animals, and sadly animals that inevitably cross over the "Rainbow Bridge". But the cycle always repeated itself because for some reason my parents never thought that seven of us in the house (sometimes nine with my two cousins), was enough of a challenge. There was more than enough love to go around for everyone, including at one time when we had approximately 20 cats because someone (my sister) brought home a cat who was pregnant, who had kittens, who then had more kittens, and so on. Talk about a lot of mouthes to feed. As a result of always being framed by a cat and a dog or a puppy and a parakeet, I have never been nervous about children and animals. We just adjusted, treated them kindly, loved them like family, and the animals adjusted, too. There was never an incident of a dog bite, or a (serious) cat scratch, or a fish swallowing a baby whole, though I do remember being super freaked out when my pet chameleon latched on to my big finger and hung on with a vengeance! (So much for hand feeding lizards...I'm still a bit traumatized from that incident).

So as Bill and I ponder the entrance of a newborn in our lives, and in turn our friends and family ponder it, we've been asked a few times...

"What about Chloe?"

What about her? She's still in puppydom, and will most likely be out of it by the time May rolls around. In fact, her 2nd birthday is May 3, two weeks before the due date. But I'm convinced that this only "child" will be perfectly fine around our new baby, contrary to what most friends and family may think. Surely we won't leave the baby unattended in the beginning, but I trust that Chloe will learn to love our baby just like we were loved by our animals when we grew up. And what a wonderful memory to grow up with animals!

Ultimately, though a bit rowdy when people first arrive, our 55 lb. lover dog Chloe is a cuddler, just like her daddies!

And how could you resist that face?

The Christmas countdown poses another question...

2011-12-05T00:52:00.000-08:00

We've got 22 more days until we open the results of the "wee-wee or the hoo-ha appointment", as Michael from Michael's Surrogate Experience so hilariously put it in his recent post. While Michael does not want to know if he is having twin boys, twin girls, or one of each, we are waiting with baited breath to discover what awaits us on the other side (and as you can tell, so is Ashton Kutcher). As I mentioned before, we'll have several of the "uncles" here to celebrate on Christmas Day when we open the best present ever. Our surro said she's mailing two sets of gender reveal packages since the ultrasound is so close to Christmas Day. So we will receive instructions on which one to open, based on the visibility of the "hoo-ha" or the "weenie".

These two slang words for our private parts got me thinking (yes, once again, thinking...), "what will Bill and I call it?" Boy, girl, no matter what gender this baby is, we'll need to come up with a name for it. The biological names just will NOT do. Sorry. I grew up calling it something totally foreign to most everyone, except for our close childhood friends who heard it in our household. Since there were four brothers and one sister under one roof in my family, the male name for it was used much more often, which turned out to be "gogi" (prounounced go-gee). And since my parents really couldn't come up with a unique name, my sister's it was called a "gogette" (pronounced go-get). Don't ask me the origin of this word but I kind of laughed and shuddered at the same time when I stumbled upon the Korean delicacy bulgogi. Oh brother...literally.

So on day 22 of the Christmas countdown to the Big Baby Gender Reveal...what do you call it in your family, or what did you call it growing up? Inquiring minds (or at least two in Hawaii) want to know.

Please refrain from any graphic details in your answers, this is a family blog!

Answers to the sperm question...

2011-12-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

...were classic! Thanks all. All these are GREAT. Some very useful. Others HILARIOUS.

Jeni...Bill Gates? -- nice! Can we use Steve Jobs? Or since he had cancer is he now considered inferior? People can be so silly.

And Kevin, you're naughty, but I may use the first one with close friends.

I still feel we are "not sharing that information" will most likely be our standard answer. Though people will be able to tell when the little one arrives, as Bill and I look drastically different (think Jason and Adrian but bigger...haha...sorry J&A).

Oh and the Heffernan's, the question about the race of the baby reminds me of when we used my niece as our egg donor in India a couple years ago. How's this??? People actually thought I was the sperm donor! I looked at them like they were NUTS and did another squirmy dance. People, did you take biology or listen at all during sex education? Last time I checked having children with family members doesn't end up so well.

And Mark, I love your comment. Your children are your children, biologically connected or not. I've always said I'd take someone's baby off the street if they offered it to me. For some reason that hasn't happened yet...though there's still time.

24 day countdown and another question...

2011-12-02T18:16:00.000-08:00

When I began this countdown to the Big Baby Gender Reveal it unexpectedly started something, and actually got me thinking about some of the questions I/we have about becoming fathers. Questions we ask ourselves, or questions people will ask us during the pregnancy, and even after our baby is born. And in the end I was surprised how many QUESTIONS popped in to my head instantaneously.

Some were making me a bit nervous...Others were just plain funny (like would I subject a girl to the Diana Ross Supremes photo shoot, afro wig and all, like Cam did on "Modern Family"???). In a way, this little time-passing exercise I put upon myself leading up to Christmas Day is allowing us to explore what makes us truly giddy and over-the-moon about having a child, but also what we are most apprehensive about or what we may have some struggles with. Ahhhhh, the irony!

Today's question has been asked many times since we got pregnant and even during the process of trying to get pregnant. I understand it's done in the most innocent and inquisitive way possible, but every time it's posed, I do the squirmy dance inside:

"So, whose sperm did you use?"

Again, I know it's an innocent question, but in the end, does it really matter??? Ultimately we will both be fathers of this child (for eternity, I might add), but for some reason this is one of the first questions people ask when they find out we're having a baby. Our somewhat standard answer is that we both tried, and this time it just happened to work with one of us. But other times we actually DO say, "does it really matter???"

DOES IT??

The 25 Days of Christmas Countdown...

2011-12-01T16:18:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm doing it.

I'm counting down to Christmas Day when the Big Baby Gender Reveal is planned. It's a way of distracting myself and having a little fun with it all.

So here goes: On this first day of the countdown, I have been seriously pondering...

If it's a GIRL...how will Bill and I answer all those "girly" questions?

a) Do our best

b) Advise her to call one of our best girl friends

c) Google it

d) Immediately begin reading Woman: An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier

or

e) All of the above

Halfway through the teens...

2011-11-26T18:52:00.000-08:00

15 weeks on this Thanksgiving holiday weekend and there's so much to be thankful for. For expanding bellies (from too much turkey and babies growing), for good friends and family, for our super surrogate "M" who is breezing through the beginning of this second trimester like a champ, for my wonderful partner Bill, and as always, for our health.

By Christmas we'll hopefully have a scan that will reveal the gender of our little guy/girl. Currently we have that scheduled for December 22nd and then we'll open the "envelope" on Christmas Day. "M" is already planning how to creatively do this with our friends who will be visiting for the holidays. Exciting!!!

If I don't get any gifts this year I'll be happy. The gift of a healthy pregnancy resulting in a healthy baby is all we need!

:-)

D

14 Weeks and Hola from Spain!

2011-11-19T11:40:00.000-08:00

Today makes 14 weeks! Depending on who you are talking to, this is the start of our second trimester...but that could have been two weeks ago, too...so overall, just really celebrating where we are at right now.

Bill and I and four of our close friends/uncles (Scott, Asher, Marco and Todd) are in Spain for about 10 days and it's been an absolute blast. Mostly we are in Barcelona but we spent two wonderful days in Mallorca. We've been texting with "M" every day and we talked to her just a couple days ago via Skype. She said everything is going well. She actually had just a general OB appointment on Thursday, and they quickly checked the heartbeat with an ultrasound, and everything looked good.

Below are a couple photos of our trip. We go home on Monday morning...making the super long journey back to Hawaii. And then back to work for a couple days before Thanksgiving. Thank goodness it's only a two day week...I'll be super pooped from the jet lag.

Happy early (American) Thanksgiving to all!

Doug

Bill and I in front of La Sagrada de Familia in Barcelona

The motley crew in Valdemossa, Mallorca, Spain

The Cross at Santa Catalina in Valdemossa

Scott, Asher, me, Marco, Todd and Bill after a wonderful paella lunch in Mallorca

Rooftop sunset at Gaudi's La Pedrera in Barcelona

Todd, Asher, Marco and I down the street from Gaudi's La Sagrada de Familia

Supporting the Spanish economy at the Camper Outlet in Mallorca (where these shoes are made, I just figured out), with Scott's friend and our wonderful tour guide, Isa (who is 8 months pregnant and showing off her baby Camper shoes!!!)

Dug

There is comedy everywhere in life...

2011-11-09T18:33:00.000-08:00

I’m fascinated with my ability to see the "funny" in things that may not be obvious to the naked eye. It happens way too often, and it's probably my curse, but I have to share the musings in my head before they get tossed in to the recycle bin of my aging memory. Hopefully someone, somewhere, will appreciate what I find funny, ironic and so serendipitous in life. It’s quite possible that no one will find this even remotely laughable but I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt and hoping you will…

So the story goes...

Bill has been very busy planting an herb and vegetable garden. It’s been his little "baby" of sorts for the past couple months now.

He interviewed and hired the rock wall builders to create a garden bed on some

unusable land behind our home...

The Samoan and Tongan workers built a beautiful wall and bed that was ready for dirt and soil...

Bill chose the best herbs and veggies to plant AND installed an irrigation system (on his own, I might add)...

He tilled the earth, and brought in some rich soil.

And he planted...

and he was extremely proud to show off his new garden.

And me? I stood by and watched it unfold...mostly because this is just not my expertise.

But I did, however, notice something very funny and ironic after all was said and done...

What does the shape of this garden bed resemble?

A pregnant belly perhaps???

All of this happened without either of us realizing it. And then one day it dawned on me -- as our perfect little baby is growing in our perfect surrogate 5,000 miles away we subliminally and serendipitously created a garden bed in the perfect shape of a pregnant belly.

And now we watch our gardens grow.

And how cute is it that Bill carved our initials in the wet cement?

SIDEBAR

A little history on the word serendipitous: We are indebted to the English author Horace Walpole for the word serendipity, which he coined in one of the 3,000 or more letters on which his literary reputation primarily rests. In a letter of January 28, 1754, Walpole says that "this discovery, indeed, is almost of that kind which I call Serendipity, a very expressive word." Walpole formed the word on an old name for Sri Lanka, Serendip. He explained that this name was part of the title of "a silly fairy tale, called The Three Princes of Serendip: as their highnesses traveled, they were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of...."

(Kind of like our quest over the past two and a half years, to San Francisco, to India, to Los Angeles, to Washington, D.C, and even more surprisingly, to Blogland, where we discovered some super cool people that we now call friends).

AMAZING.

Awwwww!

2011-11-08T00:39:00.000-08:00

Thanks to our good friends Maureen and Andres who gave us the book "What to Expect in the First Year". It's our new bedtime reading...and Bill looks just too cute in those glasses.

NT Blood Test Result Came Back Great!

2011-11-07T20:23:00.000-08:00

Big sigh of relief all the way around.

Next appointment is next week Thursday, 11/17. Don't think we get another ultrasound until December, where we are pretty sure we'll find out the gender.

!!!!!

Bring on the food parade!!!

2011-11-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

Today we are 12 weeks pregnant...can you say "COOL!!!!"

This is how our baby's growing...

The most dramatic development this week: REFLEXES!!!

Our baby's fingers will begin to open and close -- toes will curl, eyes will clench, and his/her mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if we prodded our surrogate's abdomen, our baby will squirm in response, though she wouldn't be able to feel it. The intestines, which have grown so fast they protrude in to the umbilical cord, will start to move in to the abdominal cavity now, and the kidneys will begin to start excreting urine in to the bladder.

Meanwhile! Nerve cells are beginning to multiplying rapidly, and in our beautiful baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His/Her face looks unquestionably human; the eyes have moved from the side to the front of the head; and his/her ears are exactly where they should be. From crown to rump, our baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs a half an ounce! WE LOVE LIMES!....

...but it won't be long until this baby is the size of other foods such as a medium shrimp, a lemon, an apple, avocado, a large heirloom tomato, a bell pepper, and the length of a banana...

We can't wait for the food parade.
Bring on the buffet! :-)

Preliminary Results from NT Scan

2011-11-03T09:54:00.000-07:00

Presence of a nasal bone = CHECK!
Space in the back of the neck measuring normal = CHECK!

We should know more about the blood test results early next week. Doctors did not think that this would show anything abnormal based on this morning's scan.

We did get another report of this baby being very wiggly...it took one u/s tech and one physician almost a half hour to get the pictures they wanted. Sounded more like a wrestling match. I quote from an email from our surro "M":

"I got to see a lot of movement. I saw arms, hands, feet and legs. I saw skull details, like plates, eye sockets and jaw bone. I saw ribs. It even mooned us at one point. It was very active initially and then took a nap at the time they actually needed some movement. This prompted the doctor to comment "C'mon, dude!" and "OK, perform...now!"

Thanks for the pictures "M"...and thanks for being a trooper and enduring all these pokes and prods and one super wiggly (and not so shy) baby.

I think if you look closely you can see an eye socket. It looks like our little guy/girl is just chilling (but apparently that wasn't the case...we've still got some aerobics going on in there!)

11 weeks, 5 days

Nuchal Translucency Test Tomorrow

2011-11-02T19:11:00.000-07:00

We have our NT test tomorrow (see below for description of test). Just a bit nervous but excited to have another ultrasound and take a look around. Everything seems to, up to this point, be progressing well with our pregnancy, and this is just another hurdle to get over. After this we will be 12 weeks (on Saturday!). Which means we're headed in to the second trimester and I'm extremely glad to report that time is actually starting to move fast. In fact, I was noticing the other day that I was more panicked about actually having a baby then any complications. I don't want to jinx anything but it's funny how there's always something to be preoccupied and/or worried about in this process. And I know, I know, the worry never ends.
Overall we are just super, super excited and on our trip to Los Angeles this past weekend, we got to check out some very modern looking strollers. Those LA parents sure know how to cart their little bambinos around! I'm kinda liking this Stokke Xplory stroller at the moment. With my height, I think it'll do well for me to not be having to bend over all the time! Cool huh?! You can click the photo to see the full site.

During our trip, which was to visit our very good friends in California for the Halloween long weekend, we actually got to meet Jason and Adrian of the Stalking the Stork blog. It was so cool to hang out and catch up, talk about our anxieties, hopes and fears, and GET EXCITED! They are just a few weeks behind us...and as many of you know, they've got FOUR in there! You guys are gonna be awesome dads, Jason and Adrian...but maybe it's time to build another room, or two, on the house?! It was also just a fabulous experience to meet a fellow blogger. I'd post a photo but I lost my phone over the weekend in West Hollywood (don't ask) and so this will have to suffice for now...

UPDATE: Here's the photo...thanks Jason! (I had to de-red eye my eyes and it didn't work too well! LOL)

Please say a little prayer and think good thoughts for our test tomorrow. We are all staying positive on this end....! Take care and good luck to everyone.

What is the nuchal translucency screening test?
This prenatal test (also called the NT or nuchal fold scan) can help your healthcare practitioner assess your baby's risk of having Down syndrome (DS) and some other chromosomal abnormalities as well as major congenital heart problems.

The NT test uses ultrasound to measure the clear (translucent) space in the tissue at the back of your developing baby's neck. Babies with abnormalities tend to accumulate more fluid at the back of their neck during the first trimester, causing this clear space to be larger than average.

The NT scan must be done when you're between 11 and 14 weeks pregnant. (The last day you can have it done is the day you turn 13 weeks and 6 days pregnant.) It's usually offered along with a blood test in what's known as first-trimester combined screening.

Like other screening tests, an NT scan won't give you a diagnosis. But it can assess your baby's risk for certain problems and help you decide whether you want to have chorionic villus sampling (CVS) or amniocentesis to find out whether your baby is actually affected.

10 Weeks Today!

2011-10-22T13:34:00.001-07:00

How our baby's g r o w i n g!!...

Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, our baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development.

(YAY!!!!!!)

This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature. He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout our pregnancy.
If we could take a peek inside the womb, we'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.

In other developments: Our baby's limbs can bend now!!

(YAY again!!!)

His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Our baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, our baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches. WOW!!!

Older Parenting: A Modern Day Fountain of Youth

2011-10-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

I found this article on the internet. Yes, I Google'd "older parenting" and this came up. While we are not fathering in our 50s, I have moments of wondering how this experience of raising a child later in life is going to effect me, my relationship and my life. I ask many parents how old they were when they had their first and last child. Don't get me wrong, I am not having second thoughts AT ALL. But this was a great read and very refreshing -- had to steal it as one of my posts.

If you want to see the online article click here.

Older Parenting: A Modern Day Fountain of Youth

Fathering in Your 50s: Is There a Difference?

My first psychology professor was Dr. Dick Bruce. He told a marvelous story about his family during Psych 100: When home for the holidays, one of his siblings complained that earning a Ph.D. seemed an impossible goal. The degree would take so long. Dr. Bruce's reply was "In 4 years you'll be the same age whether you go to school or not."

Fathering in your 50s is much like Dr. Bruce's thinking. If being older is the only reason we decide against having children, then we have allowed ourselves to be enslaved to age. Certainly anyone should consider factors like health, energy levels, or financial capacity when making the choice to have children. We can decide to have, or not to have, children in our 40s or 50s, but we will end up the same age, in 18 years, either way. When we magnify the negative meaning of age, we don't balance the benefits of having children at an older age. Once we place age into its proper perspective, we can see that there are many reasons to become an "older" father.

Staying Young

Fathers, like everyone, create beliefs about the meaning of age. How we define age then affects other parts of our lives: athletics, diet, vacationing. My young children demand that I stay young. They want to play on the floor, run in the back yard, eat ice cream, and go on family vacations. I find that having young children keeps my perspective young, and my daily life more energetic. I have a youthful perspective, and my life shows it.

Feeling Connected

As we grow older, experiences can reduce our feelings of attachment. Deaths, and other losses, push older men away from the vulnerability of deep connection. But, children express their love and affection so freely, so that avoiding a bond with them is impossible. I am not closed-off in other relationships, because my children keep me open to connection every day.

Enjoying Life

The older we get, the more life feels like a grind. We ask ourselves, "Is there anything thing new or exciting in the world?" Young children feel joy and are excited about just-about everything. They see fun in the mundane as boxes become forts. If we let them, they will take us along for the "joy" ride. Fathering in my 50s gave me back life's fun. My children make well-worn activities feel exhilarating again.

Learning Fearlessly

All adults know the pain of embarrassing themselves while trying to learn something, but not doing so well. When men hit middle age, we discover how our bodies and minds have begun to falter (even when we try something well known). But, children approach learning new things (sports, reading, games, etc.) without fear. For example, my son is learning to read-and mastering a new word puts joy on his face, with no signs of worry. My son and daughter show me daily that I have nothing to fear if I try something new. I took up golf, as a serious pastime, last year. And, I have fun learning to play. I thank my children for the courage to learn the game..... to enjoy the pars and the double-bogies.

A Final Word from an Older Dad

Yes, there are plenty of reasons to become a father in your 40s or 50s: Youthfulness, Connection, Joy, and Fearlessness are but a few. Parenting has challenges in your 50s, just like it would at any age. But older parenting can reset the aging clock. You live a younger life, and your children benefit from your years of wisdom. Older fathering might not be a fountain of youth, but it will add years of happiness to your life.

Grateful

2011-10-19T01:51:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since our last super positive ultrasound. We are so grateful for everything. This Saturday will be 10 weeks and we've got a couple more to get through before we can really celebrate and plan for this little one...but I have to say that my mindset has changed over the past few days. I walk our dog Chloe and I think about pushing a stroller alongside us through the neighborhood. I think about our baby's first day at the beach...his or her little toes in the sand, the ocean, feeling the sun on his or her face. I think about the day of his or her birth and I'm overwhelmed with emotion (Will we be able to handle it? Will we both just stand there, dumbfounded? And not know what to do?). One thing we have been instructed to do (by our surro "M") is to "follow the woman with the baby"..."don't stick around after the birth with me"..."it gets ugly" -- haha...sorry "M" but those words that came out of your mouth months ago have stuck with me.

I'm sure we'll be able to handle it. Waiting for that day. And so, so grateful for all our surrogate is doing.

I know you check this blog, so this is our public THANK YOU. You ROCK.

-D&B

The Power of Moving Pictures

2011-10-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

Just as I left work today, our surro "M" sent us one of the most amazing things I've ever seen...the ultrasound video. WOW!!!...I can't even tell you how real EVERYTHING became in just two minutes!

That heartbeat is awesome, the yolk sac is awesome...the little curled up baby is awesome...and I can't believe that this is our little guy/girl...just pumping along in there. I can't thank "M" enough. I told her she's doing a top notch incredible job. We so appreciate her and everything she's doing.

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY ENCOURAGING...!

One day and many beats ahead...

2011-10-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

As we led up to this third scan I was a wee bit nervous than most times, which means I was ultra-nervous because I'm always nervous...go figure. I don't know what's wrong with me but I think it's taking some time to get all the failed attempts and m/cs out of my head before I can truly embrace this awesomely perfect pregnancy. Besides low progesterone issues early on, everything has been going extremely well. However, as each doctor's appointment looms ahead of me I throw myself in to a panic, thinking that something could be wrong........

...and then the day comes, and the scan detects a gestational sac. A reason to celebrate! Yay!

...and then days before the second scan I feel like I'm getting an ulcer worrying about a heartbeat. And the day comes, and our scan detects a strong heartbeat at 135 bpm, a yolk sac and fetal pole. Boogie Down!!

...and on this third scan I knew that if things looked good, that we could relax (yah I know, don't laugh...like I'm gonna relax!) for the next few weeks until we pushed through the first trimester. Naturally this put way more pressure on the appointment, since if something didn't look right I would most likely spin out of control and become a basket case (like I'm not now?).

And then today came, and the scan indicated that we are actually AHEAD of the game. The baby measured 8w5d instead of what we thought was 8w4d. Crown to rump length = 2.06 cm! I had to break out the ruler and see exactly how big or small that was...it's small but BIG!

And the heartbeat was 180!...I'm thinking there must be some serious cardio going on in there with our olive-sized little one.

All that jazzercising is paying off little guy because you're growing like crazy...and doing such a great job!

Check out today's ultrasound that actually LOOKS like a baby now, though he/she is a little shy and facing away from the "camera" -- but looking good...BIG SMILES.

Now the wait for the first trimester to be OVER. Waiting for that day...but a little more relaxed. Promise.

Sleeping with one eye open...

2011-10-11T20:24:00.000-07:00

We have our third scan tomorrow early east coast time (can you say @ 2:50 am???) -- so I know I'll be sleeping with one eye open .-)

This will be the last ultrasound for a little while since the doctor just wanted to keep an eye on our surrogate as she had low progesterone and has been supplementing. Tomorrow will be 8 weeks 4 days. And no, I'm not counting...

And just to say, super excited about all the success out there with everyone. Albeit early, a positive IS a positive...so I say you gotta STAY POSITIVE. Keeps the insanity at bay. Works for me.

Think good thoughts and say a prayer for good news tomorrow. Grow baby, GROW!!!

8 weeks!

2011-10-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

Today makes 8 weeks and I am ready for this next month to fly by...and then we can take a huge sigh of relief. Everything seems to be going well for our surrogate. She has another appointment this Wednesday so we get to see another ultrasound. Excited to see how things are coming along in there.

I found this wonderful website called the Endowment for Human Development and the movies are absolutely amazing! You should check it out...thanks to Meg for listing it on her blog. Super cool.

Good luck to everyone out there...keep the faith. We are!!!!

D & B

7 Weeks Today!

2011-10-01T12:07:00.000-07:00

We are 7 weeks today and I'm loving that every week falls on a Saturday.

I also found this great quote about not giving up. SO TRUE. Good luck to everyone out there looking for their baby. Remember what Johnny and Darren said, "The only people who end up without a baby, are the people who give up...Here's to never giving up!"

And here's what happening with our little guy/girl:

The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry.

If you could see inside the womb, you'd spot eyelid folds partially covering her peepers, which already have some color, as well as the tip of her nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin. Both hemispheres of your baby's brain are growing, and her liver is churning out red blood cells until her bone marrow forms and takes over this role. She also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. A loop in your baby's growing intestines is bulging into her umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from her tiny body.

"Itty, Bitty Flutter of a Heartbeat"

2011-09-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

We are totally overjoyed to say that we have a very nice, strong heartbeat of 135 bpm! We also got a very nice photo of the ultrasound emailed to us from our surrogate. Thank you EVERYONE for taking just a moment yesterday and today to send positive energy our way. IT WORKED!! And now we are a bit out of the woods until the first trimester is over. THANK GOD…I am so happy that this first part of the wait is over and the results were promising.

Funny sidebar story #1: when I got off the phone with our wonderful surrogate I had a moment where I mentally thanked every person that I possibly could, living or dead, for being there in some way for this baby. I also had myself a good cry (yes this 6’4”, 200 pound guy is a crier…don’t laugh, or I’ll beat you up, or cry!). Of course all of this was taking place in the dark, because it was 4:30 am here in Hawaii and the two extremely deep sleepers of the house (Bill and our dog Chloe) were “tits up” in the bedroom. And while I didn’t expect a bottle of champagne to be opened at that hour, I did expect something more than what I got out of Bill…poor guy was all groggy and I traipsed in the room and made the announcement…all he gave me was a half-smile and then turned over and went back to bed. I DID get a nice reaction later, though, when he was more clear-headed and saw the sign I left on the kitchen counter. So he DID redeem himself. Let’s hope future appointments are later in the day so Bill and I can celebrate together, though I’m sure parenthood will have its many moments of late nights and early mornings. Bill better get ready…

Funny sidebar story #2 (one that made me smile and blubber at the same time): After I told Bill about our awesome heartbeat I was SURE I wouldn’t be able to go back to bed, but I surprised myself and fell in to a pretty deep sleep for about an hour and a half. My dream seemed to begin immediately. There really wasn’t too much to it except I remember standing in front of my sister, Lisa, and we just gave each other a big bear hug. It seemed to last the entire dream…and when I woke up, I so wished it would have lasted a lifetime. I know she and my mom are here with me, celebrating. I LOVE YOU GUYS.

Trusting the Universe...

2011-09-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

I've titled this post the same as one I wrote on August 19, 2009 because I feel the same way. Though our journey with surrogacy in India in 2009 did not end up the way we wanted it to...I still feel the same way about trusting the universe. The past few days I've been stopping, looking up, and asking for help as we approach our 6 week and 5 day scan tomorrow. This is the farthest we've ever been with a pregnancy, and I can't say that I am a very religious man, but I have to trust that something outside of just the few parties involved in this very early pregnancy have a hand in helping it along to be viable. A sign of viability is a heartbeat. And that potentially could come tomorrow morning as we get our second scan. We are very hopeful that things are pointing in the right direction but as most people are early on, we are cautious. But so, so optimistic!

So I ask those that may read this in the next several hours to just think good thoughts about our appointment tomorrow. Bow your head, think positively, do a fertility dance, or just imagine a happy growing life in a warm place for us. I know all the positive energy that's out there is helping. And thank you. I'll post the results when I get the chance...

Second Beta

2011-09-26T13:10:00.000-07:00

Today we received the results of our surro's second beta test, which came in at 9,380! While it didn't double, that is very close, so we are confident that we are heading in the right direction.

Her progesterone level was a bit low at 10.1, so her OB wrote a 30-day prescription. I think the normal level is 15-20...though not sure?

Overall, though, we are VERY happy with the results. The scan this Thursday should show a lot more...and hopefully we get to see a heartbeat so we can get out of the woods a bit here. Thank you EVERYONE for your thoughts and comments and prayers. They're helping as this little bean grows. Keep them coming...!

(this waiting is killing me...and it's only just the beginning!)

The first beta comes in at...

2011-09-22T14:50:00.000-07:00

5,573!
Doing the happy dance!!!!

Our surro was having some headaches, which happened in our June pregnancy that resulted in a m/c, so she asked for an appointment with her OB one week earlier than scheduled. After a blood test, a lot of waiting, and an ultrasound, she called with this wonderful number!! We were so happy that things were looking good.

The ultrasound showed a gestational sac, yolk, and something that resembled a fetal pole. No heartbeat detected yet but she's only 5 weeks and 5 days. Hoping that her second beta on Saturday will at least double. There was also some fluid visible but the doctor could not confirm what it was...hoping there is no bleeding going on in there :-/ We are definitely happy with the number, as our June beta was like 170 or something and then went down to like 80 two days later,...and she was just over five weeks. So a good start!

Keep growing little one...everyone is rooting for you!!!!

19 and 21 dpo

2011-09-19T09:40:00.000-07:00

21 dpo

19 dpo

Progressively darker tests. Looking good. First appointment is next week Thursday 9/29. Someone please fast forward to next week...please? Thanks for all your positive thoughts and prayers. We are only five weeks and 2 days but every day is so important!

15 and 16 dpo

2011-09-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

16 dpo

15 dpo

Happy to report that the tests are getting darker. I know that some subscribe to the "School of HPT Thought" that progressively darker tests don't mean a thing, but we're excited to see changes that could be seen as positive. On the symptoms front, surro "M" feels like they are different this time around -- to quote..."Boob pain is constant, instead of fluctuating. I'm tired, hungry, and queasy!" So appreciative of everything she is doing to keep this one sticky.

Everything crossed...

Help from Lisa Marie

2011-09-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

Well today was HPT day and we got a nice, strong positive. Yay!!! As I said before, we didn't want to test any earlier than 14 dpo because it was just too much torture to try and read those test lines. Sometimes I felt my eyes were playing tricks on me...other times I couldn't see anything at all. But this was a nice and clear pink line and then followed up later in the day with a "Pregnant" on the digital. Hallelujah! So that's three times with our current surrogate and three times pregnant - early miscarriage at about a little more than five weeks and then a chemical pregnancy the second time. Let's hoping the third time's a charm.

The ironic thing is that when our surrogate said today, September 10th, was the day her period was due, my heart sank a bit. September 10th is my sister Lisa's birthday, who passed away 17 years ago after a year long battle with cancer. She would have been 50. It was a bit unnerving that the bad news of a negative would only heighten the sadness of losing one of my best friends and family members; but also a bit exciting if it was a positive, knowing that Lisa would have been so happy for me.

Lisa was an incredible spirit, kind and loving to everyone. And I don't just say that because she was my sister. Everyone felt the same. She was beautiful and radiant, inside and out. Her life and ultimate death taught me so much about perseverance, fighting the tough fight, and living your life to the fullest. When she was diagnosed with liver cancer I was 27, closeted, and couldn't imagine coming out to anyone, EVER. Yes, I was a very late-bloomer -- but without a word spoken between us, I knew this was a sign that I had to open up those doors and walk out, PROUDLY. Life is way too short to live another life, hide, and suffer. God knows I didn't suffer near as much as Lisa during her battle with cancer, but suffering it was. And it was during that very rough year that I began to share with my parents, family and friends, that I was gay. It was difficult. There were lots of tears and questions and doubts. I remember the day I told my sister. We were leaving on a camping trip and I asked her to drive with me, just she and I. I torturously proceeded to let the illusive cat out of the bag, and during that one hour drive, it was 100% about her love, her comforting, and my sharing something with someone I loved so much, before it was too late. She embraced me, emotionally, lovingly, and assured me that everything was going to be alright. I loved her so much for her acceptance of who I was, who I had always been, and who I was going to be (that of which she would never get to experience). We spent the next 48 hours playing on the beach, watching the sun go down, playing board games, and enjoying a beer and the warmth and closeness of family and friends. I treasure that trip and that "coming out" conversation with Lisa. I was so happy that I had the opportunity to share with her the whole me, before I would regret it and never have the chance. She passed away early the following year.

So today I am thankful for the birth of my lovely sister Lisa Marie, for what she taught me about my life, and I remember her courageous fight for her own. And I am thankful, so incredibly thankful, that another tiny life is growing in our surrogate's womb, and we are hoping and praying it sticks.

I'll end this post with a quote from Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet", which I read at Lisa's services,...a photo of my beautiful sister, and a shot of that awesome positive.

"Farewell to you and the youth I have spent with you. It was but yesterday we met in a dream. You have sung to me in my aloneness, and I of your longings have built a tower in the sky. But now our sleep has fled and our dream is over, and it is no longer dawn. The noontide is upon us and our half waking has turned to fuller day, and we must part. If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me a deeper song. And if our hands should meet in another dream, we shall build another tower in the sky."

A change of scenery...

2011-09-02T01:56:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking for some time that we were ready for a design change on this really boring template from like years ago. Yes, it's been YEARS since we started this blog. But I'm not complaining,...I've done that a bit too much on these posts...I'm mostly being hopeful and positive about our next outcome and encouraged by the fact that we are still in the game, after all the setbacks, negatives, early MCs, etc etc. Our goal is really to be good and pregnant by the end of the year, so make sure you note that, people, WE ARE GOING TO BE PREGNANT come hell or high water (barring any hurricanes, that is).

Our surro's period is due a week from this Saturday, 9/10, and we've discussed not receiving any test results until then. Testing early is for the birds (for me, anyway). Just too much anxiety associated with it and in the end, we just need a good, strong pregnancy that lasts longer than five weeks. HOWEVER, I have told our surro that if she gets a strong positive, then throw out the comment that early testing is for the birds, and gimme some good news, dammit! LOL...I"m terrible, but we are just so ready, and sometimes the early signs give us hope to get us through the next day, or hour, or literally the next five minutes, when it comes to keeping yourself sane. You all know what I'm talking about, right?

A big congrats to all the SCI Delhi babies out there, and also the clinics in Mumbai, and all the babies born in the States to surros and IPs. I just love reading these stories of the journey to have a child. There is something so amazing about it. I hand it to all of you -- you guys ROCK. Including the surros, and clinics and hospitals that make it possible. Such a great partnership!

We will keep everyone posted on how things go. Really, really hoping that it sticks this time (third time, a charm?) but if not, we have a super excellent plan b in the works that will kick in to high gear as soon as possible because I am still set on getting pregnant before the end of the year -- of course there's always room to move that goal forward if things aren't aligned, but I'm on a mission and I believe this baby will come in to our lives within the next 12 months. Hope I'm not jinxing anything but I just have to stay positive.

Thanks for following our crazy trip with surrogacy. It's been extremely memorable and will be something to look back on one day and be so happy that we traveled the extra mile to get what we wanted. Fingers crossed. Let's get STICKY with it...Thanks all...

Thanks All

2011-06-16T01:55:00.000-07:00

I just want to say thanks to everyone out there in blogland who have encouraged us along and helped us make the decision to move forward. NO, we don't know each other but I feel like we do. There's something about sharing an experience together and it doesn't matter if you're the best of friends or have never laid eyes on each other. The shared experience is what bonds you.

So I'm just very grateful for the support we have. It really does make us not want to give up. We appreciate you all!

D and B

Low Betas

2011-06-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

Well we had super low betas that should have been near 1,000 and they were only 89 and 79, and declining. Our surro was told she had a blighted ovum, which I've read is a very common reason for miscarriage in early pregnancy. We have to wait a little over a month before trying again. Ugh...onward!

Be careful what you wish for...thanks mom!

2011-06-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

Our surro just called and the good news is that there is a gestational sac that showed up in the ultrasound, and that sac was implanted in her uterus. No blood in her cervix, so that's good. I'm so glad our embryo knew where to lay down for his/her nine month nap! That's a good start. The doctor said they usually like to see a round sac and this one was not totally round, but that wasn't of too much concern at this point. No fetal pole was spotted but it's still very early at 5 weeks, 1 day.

M called as she was going to get some beta tests, which I mentioned in my last post that we were NOT going to get because we didn't do IVF. My mother always said "be careful what you wish for"...because I had secretly wanted the betas to tell me how things were progressing. I've never been good at waiting -- I was the kid that opened his presents the day before Christmas and then rewrapped them to open the next day. I had to be a real good actor when I was plopped in front of my big family when opening them on Christmas Day. I'm TERRIBLE, and hopefully someone isn't punishing me now for that very childish thing I did 40 years ago. We'll have beta results by the end of the day, and then another test on Friday. As everyone knows, HCG levels in the blood should double every 48 hours so we are hoping for a number around 500 or higher today and then something double that on Friday.

One thing I don't want is a blood pressure test right now. I am sure it's through the roof. Mary said I should have a beer for breakfast.

Be careful what you wish for.

Spotting...Ugh.

2011-06-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

I'm really hoping that this isn't the kind of pregnancy where I'm posting every day for nine months. I woke up early as I have been for the past couple weeks and I had two emails from our surro. She was spotting, not bright red, and no cramping, but she was going to the doctor this morning to see what was up. This happened with her previous pregnancy and she went full term and delivered a beautiful baby girl, so it can be expected. But I want uneventful, people. None of this playing with my emotions stuff. I know this is good prep for parenthood but I think we've done the prep work, send me the baby already. Ok, ok...so she is literally having the ultrasound right now, hopefully in the best cast we'll see a fetal pole and a gestational sac. Think good thoughts for our little one and surro. I'll let you know how it goes.

xx

Getting darker...5 weeks today!!!

2011-06-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

Today we got a pretty dark HPT and the line was almost as dark as the control line. Our surro was guessing (very unscientfically, of course) that her HCG was probably close to 1,000. Unfortunately since we are not doing IVF we don't have routine HCG tests, only if things are suspected to be going badly (so I don't want them!). Even the appointment scheduled for two weeks from today is an ultrasound and some bloodwork but no HCG. That's ok...we are so looking forward to seeing the u/s...I know you can't see much but to get a "head count" and just see what's going on in there will be very exciting. Hoping all goes well. Fingers still crossed.

And if you wanted to see the dark test, here is the photo. YIPPPPEEEEE!!!!

My mother

2011-06-07T01:58:00.000-07:00

Today would have been my mother's 80th birthday. Since she passed away in January 2001, I don't think a day has passed that I haven't thought about her in some way.

When I visited Florence in the mid 90s I remember taking a photo of this sculpture at the Academia (where Michelangelo's David is) and framing it for my mom. I am not sure what the title of the piece is but it just reminded me of the undying devotion a child has for their mother. I miss her so much. And wish she could see all that is happening in my life. I LOVE YOU MOM.

The HPTs...

2011-05-31T20:51:00.000-07:00

OK, so I spared all of you the previous test results because there were times it was like trying to see Jesus in a tortilla with the blue and pink dye tests but these are conclusive, especially the "YES+" result. There's something comforting about seeing that YES and + in the same line because I have a really hard time reading those dye tests (I'm a visual learner....like "spell it out for me please")... Loving that our surro is obsessed with testing and we wake up to a fresh photo of the result. Thank you for being so THOROUGH!

...Sticky sticky sticky!!!

...deep breath...

...we can do this...

I'm finding it hard to believe that I'll make it until Feburary but I think this is the hardest part, waiting for something viable (someone agree with me, please).

Well here they are...

12dpo

14 dpo (tough to see here but it's there I promise...) :-)

I couldn't help it...

2011-05-28T02:02:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of feeling like our baby mama who just couldn't help but test early (10 dpo) as I post results EARLY...but I really couldn't help myself. Yes, it's EARLY. And yes, we have been HERE before. But what I can say RIGHT NOW is that we have a positive HPT and our surro will keep testing daily to make sure it's moving in the right direction. Think good thoughts all.

Multiple Balls in the Air

2011-05-04T01:09:00.001-07:00

We so so appreciate everyone's heartfelt advice and encouragement. There are so many people out there in so many different stages of this process -- and it's so good to know that we are all not alone as we navigate surrogacy, parenthood, adoption, imagining life with or without a child. For what it's worth we are still moving forward. No giving up here. No quitting. Just a pause in all the noise of this process. Let's just say we have multiple balls in the air and one of them we're hoping to drop...or two. I'll leave y'all with that. Happy Mothers Day to all the moms out there.

MOM'S ROCK!!!

xxoo
D and B and C

Period. Yuck.

2011-04-08T01:35:00.000-07:00

Once again it's taken days to write this -- April got her period on Sunday. I dunno people. Give me some advice here. This is attempt number five and while we got pregnant on the second try, it's been tough to keep the flame burning with the way we are doing it. And to think we were so pumped just six months ago, thinking that this was the one...and here we are...considering what to do next, with who, and how, when, etc etc.

Maybe I should just stop blogging, get busy, and announce that we have a baby when we ACTUALLY have one...instead of complaining about it on here.

Ok, buh bye...we've got our work cut out for us.

:-)

Flying at 30,000 feet

2011-03-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

No not because we've had any luck lately but because I'm on a (very bumpy) plane ride from LA to SF and if anyone knows me I am NOT a good flier. Needless to say going to India was a serious trip and required some pharmaceuticals to ease my worries. Right now I don't have one of those little pills handy so I'm a little spooked. Writing is helping.

...Anyway, I'm on my way to see April for another insemination. Since I last wrote, she moved to San Francisco with her girlfriend and little boy. We kind of knew this was the deal but thought it was going to happen as soon as maybe May or even November, not March 1st! So off I go, one more plane trip, on the road, the journey to potential parenthood. This is getting a bit comical, all the different places and countries we've visited to try and make this happen. It's sounding more and more like a tacky bumper sticker -- "Los Angeles, San Francisco, Mumbai, Washington DC". I guess the only thing we CAN do is laugh. But our goal is to make this happen THIS year. So come December 31st and we still are at this point I'll have something to be really upset about. Meanwhile I'll take it in stride. I'll be in SF from today until Wednesday. April ovulates Thursday. My work is being very flexible and I'm so appreciative. I don't think I'll have to take any days off but will have to make some calls and visit a few folks while out here. I wish Bill could come along but he's just super strapped at work. We don't like to be away from each other too often or too long. It's always hard, the drive to the airport, and leaning over at the same spot on the off ramp we've been stealing a quick smooch and saying goodbye with sad eyes for 15 years. By the time we get to the airport he likes to make it quick and just tosses me out of the car (not really but there are certainly no lingering hugs, kisses, or glances). Rip the band-aid off, right? I miss him up at this altitude -- he usually comforts me when I start to squirm at the turbulence (right now!), etc. It's only a few days and another 20 minutes on this flying tin can...

I'm going to sign off for now. Thanks for following our funny little (and very much longer than we thought) story. It's just nuts how badly we want this and how it seems to elude us at times. I know this will happen...when the time is right. But when is that??
.

No news really

2011-02-10T00:26:00.000-08:00

Well no luck this past try. And then April had to travel for the holidays all the way in to late January so we missed the last cycle. Our next attempt(s) start tomorrow and I'm like "enough already...it's time this happens!" Just a little frustrated with all the emotions and anticipation, hopes and disappointments. I understand this is something you can't manufacture on cue, but I really do feel like we've put in our best efforts here and we are still empty-handed after almost two years of working at it (albeit we did not have our first embryo transfer until October 2009, but still, we've been working, working, working!). In fact, we've been working so hard on all kinds of things (that thing called work, too), that I neglected to announce that last year we introduced an extremely cute little girl to our family. It was an impulse adoption, after we lost both our older dogs in a year's span, but she's been a joy and a lot of sleepless nights -- let's just hope she's preparing us for a baby...SOON. Here are some pics of little Chloe.

Belated Happy Holidays to All...!

With much love and appreciation for all your support,

-Doug, Bill and Chloe

A very interesting article

2011-02-04T11:43:00.001-08:00

www.newsweek.com/2011/01/30/meet-my-real-modern-family.html

Light at the end of the tunnel

2010-12-06T16:47:00.000-08:00

Finally a sign that our next attempt with April is in clear sight. It's been over 4 weeks since the miscarriage and over two months since her last period, so we are definitely ready for our third attempt...December 15th our next round of inseminations begin (oh joy). Apparently April dreamed about this monster of a period coming and there it was the next day...(I think she actually called it a tsunami-like period but maybe that's too much sharing for this blog). And hey, is it truth or just myth that says women can be more fertile after a miscarriage? I'm staying positive and saying "YES"...

I'll tell ya, once we are fathers I'll be so glad to NOT worry about tracking "Aunt Flo" or the other multitude of nicknames a woman's period has (props to you girls!). We'll be done with that part...and many of you have said that once the little miracle DOES arrive, all the work that led up to it, the worrying, the tracking, the flying to India, the fertility drugs, the money, the search for another surrogate and egg donor, the inseminations...and on and on, really does become the distant past. And the most important thing is that you have this new life and light in your life. We are just SO READY, and had no idea what it would take to get there. But here we are, still marching forward. I have to say there are times that I look at our blog friends who have had their child(ren), some who I started following after our failed attempts in India, and can't help but scratch my hairless head and wonder why Bill and I are still at ground zero. I know this will happen, it's just crazy how much something like this can test you, your relationship, and your faith in something that really is out of your control (and body, for that matter). And as I said in August 2009 regarding my worries of failing in India (which seems like a lifetime ago), we just have to trust the universe.

I hope this finds everyone enjoying the Christmas spirit, their new arrivals and preparing for the merriest time of the year. More news from the flight deck soon...

D & B

It's taken a week to write this...

2010-11-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

I've thought about it and every time I have to write a negative post it's usually short and sweet. So here it is...April most likely had a chemical pregnancy and we lost it last week Thursday. It's taken a while to write this because the day after it happened Bill and I had to go to Florida for his new job. Needless to say traveling to "the happiest place on earth" aka Orlando was a bit strange after we found out but what can we do? We will be trying again after she gets her next period so that's a positive. At least we got pregnant and know it's possible. That gives us comfort. It'll be nice to get back on Sunday and see our pup Chloe and just be in our own home. More to come...

First doctor's visit next week

2010-11-01T12:31:00.000-07:00

April's first doctor's visit is on Tuesday, November 9th and unfortunately we won't be here, as we had planned to go to Orlando for one of Bill's work functions. From our estimates (which will be clarified at the appointment, thank goodness) we think she will be 6 weeks and two days pregnant at the time of the visit. We've asked her to request an ultrasound but I'm not sure if it's so routine to do one at that point (anyone know?). It just would be nice to be able to see such things as the gestational sac, and maybe even see a heartbeat (don't think you can hear one at this point but I know it can be seen). The only indicators we have right now are the absence of a period, two positive pregnancy tests, her crazy appetite and the beginnings of some pretty bad nausea...but we'll take that for now.

While we wait, I've switched from doing all this pre-pregnancy research on how to knock someone up to googling ultrasounds and quantitative blood tests and hormone levels...it's amazing how fast baby grows in just one week. It's such a miracle and so exciting, but we are still kind of keeping the pregnancy thing low for now. We ARE telling friends that knew we were working with April and when, but have avoided the mass announcements. I guess we are kind of picking and choosing, given our two past negatives and all the hoopla that surrounded our trip to India. I'm all about sharing the joy, but Bill is a bit more conservative. We're trying to meet at a happy medium...it's been challenging but definitely respecting each other's comfort levels.

All in all just still very happy we are at this point.

More news to come when we receive it.

Pregnant

2010-10-28T16:06:00.000-07:00

I feel like we've been waiting so long to post this result, and we know it's early, but we are pregnant! This Sunday it will be about five weeks along...so every day is super important and makes this all more viable. We are so thankful for our willing and wonderful surrogate, and for the speed at which this has happened, after only TWO tries. I still am scratching my head a bit and can't believe we are at this point...when it was just a little over a month ago that we were trying to figure it all out.

All I can say is that this at-home turkey baster method worked and for now we are heading down the road we've wished to be on for some time now. I know it's going to be a whole new set of worries -- getting through the first trimester (something to really look forward to around Christmas time!), and then the next six months after, and the delivery, the emotions, it's all going to be something we'll never forget and something to (hopefully) ponder in coming entries. For now, though, we can say it, we're PREGNANT!!!...and loving every minute of it so far. Really hoping this all sticks.

Thanks to all for their support and encouragement. This blog experience has been so helpful. :-) THANK YOU THANK YOU...

1 day late

2010-10-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

well April is one day late and that's a good sign, we think...especially since she's usually, as she said herself, "like clockwork." So we'll probably test some time this week, if her period hasn't arrived.

Or maybe we'll just test today!! ;-)

She mentioned that she was getting a little anxious and used one of the digital tests a few days ago and she actually peed too much on the stick and it said "ERROR", and when she looked up "error" in the pamphlet it said "call this 800 number"...we all laughed because I'm not sure a customer service person 2500 miles away is going to know if she was pregnant or not. Unless it was the Fortune Teller brand of early pregnancy tests. Deep breath. More news to come...in time.

somebody got their period...

2010-09-27T00:10:00.000-07:00

Well we were hopeful with some of the unique symptoms and maybe we had a chemical pregnancy, but we just found out that someone got their period this evening. Something we didn't mention, and may have had played a role in this failed attempt, is that our surrogate stopped taking the pill at the end of July/early August. I've heard it takes about three months to get everything out of your system so we'll keep trying...just two more weeks and we'll do another round of inseminations. It's something to look forward to!

Thanks for your support, all...we'll post more soon.

...add to the symptoms...

2010-09-23T16:30:00.001-07:00

ok...so she's now noticing a pinching sensation in her left side...

I seem to have read somewhere as I combed the internet the other night that this is potentially another sign of an early pregnancy.

Hopefully on Sunday I can say, "somebody pinch ME"!

Writing all these crazy thoughts down has been so therapeutic. Regardless of it sounding crazy and all...

Early Pregnancy Symptoms?

2010-09-22T01:02:00.000-07:00

I know this is all premature but of course I HAD to inquire how our surro was doing as we inch towards the HPT this Sunday (14 dpo). She mentioned three things: she's hungry, she's irritable, and she's had an increased amount of whitish discharge. I understand this is way too much information for many out here but I immediately had to look it up. Who knows I would take such pleasure in these types of things??? After an hour of researching, and wondering, and speculating,...it all could mean good news...but it also could be a million other things. Damn you Dr. Google!

I need one of those remotes that Adam Sandler had in that movie Click...FAST FORWARD please?!

Yes, it's been a while...

2010-09-16T20:33:00.001-07:00

I know, I know, it's been a long time since we've posted. And no, we aren't pregnant (yet) and just laying low...I only wish that was the case!

We ARE, though, waiting until the end of the month to see if we have a positive or not. It's been a huge rollercoaster ride the past months but we actually survived the search for a surrogate and after a few different "almost matches" we found someone we couldn't be happier with. After the two failed attempts last year and all the waiting to get to where we are now, we feel really good about everything. It's funny, I am one of the most impatient people and throughout this process I have learned to be patient. In fact, I am not even preoccupied (yet) about the result or thinking about it before I go to bed or when I wake up in the morning. I know with confidence this will happen in time, hopefully sooner than later, but in time. And it really does seem we've found someone who is committed and ready to go at it with the same vigor and enthusiasm we've had for some time now.

In a nutshell, we are doing traditional surrogacy, as opposed to gestational surrogacy which involves IVF. What this means is our surrogate is our egg donor, and just last week we performed three inseminations during her estimated ovulation period. It was an interesting experience...to say the least. I understand it's tough to pinpoint the day of ovulation, but we spread out the insems so we could have the best chance for conception. We completely understand that traditional versus gestational has its risks, but after the negatives in India, all the traveling and coordinating a half a world away, and then the costs associated with IVF in the U.S., we felt this was the least risky way financially to fulfill our dream of being fathers. Our confidence was definitely boosted when a gay couple we've known for a while successfully had their daughter through TS. It can go well, and it can go not-so-well. We've put several safety nets in to place to reduce our risk, but like I said, we have a very good sense this will work out for everyone, including our surrogate/genetically-linked mother. She's been so wonderful to work with and that has made a huge difference in our comfort level.

So stay tuned, once again, almost a year later after our adventures in India...we'll have some news soon. And negative or positive or whatever it may be, we'll be forging ahead without much delay now...God knows we aren't getting any younger! Someone get me a walker...

D and B

P.S. Congrats to everyone out there who we've been following...those who have had babies and those who are waiting...and I wish all those waiting for your day lots of patience. It will happen. Don't give up.

Details, details...

2010-03-14T11:58:00.000-07:00

I thought I would write a short post just to give people a better idea of what we are doing. As I said earlier, we are using a surro in the U.S. "M" was introduced to us a couple months ago by mutual friends and we actually flew out to the east coast to meet her last month. Our previous "meeting of the surrogate" when we were in India was awkward, done in the hallway at the fertility clinic, and well, there wasn't much to be said for the exchange (as she did not speak English nor did we speak Hindi), so it was what it was. We were thankful and tried to show it as best as we could. This time, though, it was ideal, as we all had dinner together at our mutual friends' home and had a chance to really talk and get to know each other. So we were very grateful to have that time with her in much less stressful surroundings. We returned home knowing we wanted to pursue this and so we started the proverbial ball rolling...

So while the goal has never changed (goal = healthy baby), there ARE a few different players and we are just as excited as ever to get started. Most likely we'll start cycling in the next couple months or so but still waiting on a few details. Once things are confirmed and we are 100% sure on everything we'll share more. I guess we're just being a little cautious since this is all such a crazy ride -- we learned after our first two attempts that nothing is guaranteed but if you just keep your "eyes on the prize" (as the two Mike's told me a year ago), it'll happen. There is so much we've learned in the past year it's amazing. Whether it's surrogacy overseas or in the U.S. or anywhere else, what's crystal clear is that the shared journey of "looking for a baby" is the same. Sometimes it works immediately and sometimes it takes some time to get it right. Thanks everyone for all the support, for opening up your lives and sharing so others could learn, for being pioneers, and being courageous. :-)

Our next attempt...

2010-03-11T00:56:00.000-08:00

Aloha Everyone...nothing super definitive just yet but the last few days some things have come together for our next attempt. We are lining up some final details on the contract and talking to a fertility clinic, running tests and shipping sperm (again). Doing all of this in the U.S. is a bit different and I'd have to say there are positive and negatives, but we feel we have a good bunch of "players" for the stage, as Edward said in his blog recently... the only thing is I don't want it to go on for seven ages (!) :-)...

More to come but our 99.9% sure surro is amazing, funny, smart, tested and understands the idea of an alternative family -- she's also pretty fertile and loves doing research on how to get pregnant...we love her...

I'll keep sending out updates but just wanted to get something out to those who are following...

Have we lost you yet???????

Gird your loins because this is happening...again!

Hugs to all,

Doug and Bill

Merry Christmas and Here's to a Year Full of SUCCESS!!!

2009-12-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

We haven't posted in several weeks and I just wanted to send a message to everyone out there that come the NEW YEAR, we are back on the baby bandwagon. The last half of 2009 was extremely busy with all kinds of activity, mostly planning our trip to India and pursuing parenthood with everything that we could muster up. Though we did not meet success, this is a journey that we are on for the duration, as I've said before. There are many that are on the road with us, and in that we take comfort. Thank you for your support, your kind words, and your encouragement to keep moving forward. I keep telling Bill that we could have never done the trip to India without all of your assistance.

And, to that baby out there waiting for us -- the dust is starting to settle, oh little one, be patient along with us and our faces will become clearer to each other as time passes. The new year holds so much hope and promise... be well.

Happy Holidays,

Doug and Bill

Update (well, kind of)

2009-11-12T08:49:00.000-08:00

Just to let everyone know that we are still considering options...as someone commented on our blog earlier, one thing surrogacy gives us IS options. So we are optimistic this will work out...just maybe not in the way we originally planned or the timetable we predicted! It reminds me of what someone else said when we announced we were trying to have a child...they said "whatever 'master plan' you have in your head, throw it out the window!"

You can say that again...talk about a journey...I feel like we are looking for the Holy Grail!

I hope everyone who is waiting for a result can remain calm and those that are pregnant that things are going well...also to those who are just starting this journey and are considering taking one of the many routes to parenthood, don't give up. Keep looking for that baby. It'll happen!

Take care all.

Negative

2009-11-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

We heard early this morning that our second attempt was a negative.

We're going to take some time to figure out things.

Thanks to everyone for the positive thoughts and support over the past months...

Transfer Update: All Is Well...

2009-10-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

There is a lot to be thankful for today...our four embryos did well overnight and three of them grew nicely while the other one stayed about the same (it didn't degenerate so we were thankful for that). We tried to stay up for the news but Dr. Kadam and Goral emailed us late last night after we went to bed with a summary of the procedure. So this morning we woke up and found out that 1 B and 3 C's were transferred into our healthy, triple layer surrogate and all went smoothly. Each emby got a little help from a procedure called Laser Assisted Hatching or LAH.

This is where a small laser creates a very precise hole in the zona (or shell of the embryo), to assist in hatching and implantation. The zona usually hardens after being frozen and thawed so it makes it more difficult for the embryo to break out of its shell. And just for the record, the zona is not a living part of the embryo, so it does not harm the embryo at all.

So...we've got LAH and fluffy, triple layer walls!!! Sounds like a recipe for success. Grow Baby, Grow! Pregnancy test on November 2nd.

Namaste.

Triple Layer and Fluffy...

2009-10-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

Another update, this one on our healthy surrogate: Triple layer lining measuring 9.5mm and ready for transfer!

"Thank you..."

Grow Embryos, Grow!!!

2009-10-21T00:43:00.001-07:00

I thought I would send it out there for everyone to think positively about -- we've got four embryos that survived the thaw! Here's to being thankful that they will continue to grow in culture until tomorrow, have a successful transfer and grow like crazy in our surrogate's womb.

We'll get an update tomorrow night. Goodnight...

Thaw Baby, Thaw!

2009-10-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

Well tonight we'll find out the results of the thaw on our embryos. There was some delay in surrogate prep but now we are on schedule to thaw tomorrow and transfer on Thursday. We should know the results of survival by tonight before we go to bed...and then will have to make a decision on what to transfer by the next morning.

My friend gave me some advice about staying positive and talking about a positive (healthy) pregnancy even before it happens. Every morning before she was pregnant she got up and said "Thank you for this healthy pregnancy"...well, needless to say, she has a beautiful little boy, Jack Henry. Sign me up...(thanks Les!)

So today we say, "thank you for this healthy pregnancy, and thank you for successfully thawing all these great embryos to transfer in to our healthy surrogate..." We are so lucky to have another good chance, "thank you!!!"

I can tell it's working already...we are going to be dads!

Second Attempt...

2009-10-12T20:04:00.000-07:00

Today is Discoverers Day (Columbus Day outside of Hawaii) and I couldn't help but ponder the title of our blog -- Looking for Baby.

Looking?...Discoverers?...hmmm. Call me superstitious but I'm working every angle here. I may have to change the title to Discovering Baby!

I know, I'm strange. I think this surrogacy thing is making me crazy.

So anyway...in celebration of Discovers Day and continuing the quest as we look for this baby, we are officially fired up for our second attempt! Which happens to be this week. Today we found out that our surrogate is ready for embryo transfer so most likely a pregnancy test will be at the end of the month. Let's hope these embies persevere like Christopher Columbus and thaw like champions and discover the new world of a nice, warm, fluffy uterine wall!

Let's make some babies!!!!!!

A Big Thumbs Down...

2009-10-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

This morning we received word from the clinic that our surrogate had a negative test result. Crap. Double crap. Crrrraaaap!!! If I wasn’t in my car when I got the email I would have dropped to the ground and flopped around like an alligator…talk about a Manic Monday -- sheesh Ganesh!

Ok, time to regroup. This is obviously devastating and a big surprise (especially considering we transferred five very good embryos), but we are not giving up. Over the next few months we are going to work hard to make parenthood happen for us. We feel we have at least one more shot with the embryos frozen in Mumbai, so we’ll set things in motion for another surrogate asap. We’re trying to schedule a call with the clinic soon so we can get some recommendations and next steps, including an indication of why this didn’t take on our first try. I understand this is not an exact science, but we want to gather as much information as possible to get it straight in our heads (though I’m not sure that will ever happen). And we know there is some hope in using the B and C embryos we have frozen, just our odds are not as good. There are success stories everywhere, so that helps a bit.

Along with moments of insanity and fits of anger and sadness, there are a several things that eat away at our hearts and minds right now…

1. The fact that we lost such good embryos – 3 A’s and 2 B’s! OUCH.

2. Was our surrogate prepped well enough?

3. Was there something that went wrong on the egg or sperm donor side?

4. How will our embryos survive the thaw?

5. And lastly, I HATE breaking bad news to people that have been so supportive. Kelsey was such a hard call to make, though she took it very well, even on her birthday. And I just labored over having to call Bill to tell him the news, as he had just left the house when the email came in. I wanted to be there to hug him and be comforted and reassured by him. He’s my rock.

All these issues, questions, excuses, endless projections and wondering of what will be are like bumper cars in my head. And really, at this moment, what we are left with is the same answer we received this morning…Unfortunately, it's a negative,...I am sorry :(

But do not fear. We are back on our feet. This adventure WILL continue. Stay tuned.

Goodbye, Mumbai...hopefully just for now

2009-09-30T04:19:00.000-07:00

Well, we are out of here.

We survived the trip.

No Delhi Belly.

Lots of gifts.

Enough memories to last a lifetime.

We fertilized eggs.

Created embyros.

And transfered five that hopefully will allow us to return next year.

Goodbye, Mumbai.

With some luck and help from the Hindu Gods Shiva, Rama, Ganesha and the others too many to mention here, we'll be back soon.

Aloha,

Doug, Bill and Kelsey

Kelsey's Bombay Bon Voyage!

2009-09-27T04:09:00.000-07:00

Well Kelsey leaves tonight and she is nearly all packed and ready to go. I know she is super excited to hop on that plane and be in the comforts of home. To be honest, I'm a little jealous. LOL. We are so proud of her, and are so thankful that she worked so hard to produce so many eggs and embryos. The past few days she's been feeling a lot better, and we had a great pasta dinner last night at La Cucina in Bandra, with some wine and a tuk tuk ride to top it off. It was Kelsey's first ride in an electric rikshaw after almost being hit by one in Juhu...we all smashed in and laughed in the back seat!

Today was spent hanging by the pool and just relaxing. After two days in South Mumbai at some antique shops and cruising around Chorr's Bazaar, Bill and I were ready to chill...tomorrow we have a long journey to the Taj Mahal. I'll post photos when I return to the States because Kelsey is taking the camera cord to transfer pictures.

I forgot to mention that our pregnancy test is on October 5th - Kelsey's Birthday! Here's to hoping it's a nice present for all she's done.

Here are some photos from the past few days...

Chorr's Bazaar...

The mobile barber...

Hundreds of people washing clothes (I forget what this place is called...)

Kelsey relaxing in the pool...

5 of Our Best, Ovaries the Size of Melons, Fainting in Front of a Tuk Tuk and Political Unrest

2009-09-24T05:18:00.001-07:00

This morning after some intense conversations with Dr. Allahbadia and Goral, we decided to go for it and transfer five of our best embryos (3 A's and 2 B's) in to our surrogate, Ayesha. Last time we checked she had a 10.5 mm uterine lining, and between 8 and 13 is supposed to be good, depending on who you talk to. So we are smack dab in the middle, which we are very comfortable with. That leaves 1 B and 9 C's to be frozen. We know we could lose some of them when they thaw, but we felt like this could be our only chance with the Kelsey/Bill combo so we went for it. As John in NJ said, "all it takes is one!" And this first round is a bunch of really good "ones". Our hopes were up! Here's a shot of one of the A's...

So pray. Kneel. Bow. Do the hula. The Macarena. Or The Hustle. Or if you want, just visualize sticky embryos in a uterus over the next 12 days as we wait for the first pregnancy test on October 5th.

When we were at Rotunda we had Kelsey checked out as she had been uncomfortable the past few days since retrieval. She spent most of the day Tuesday and Wednesday in her hotel room, feeling bloated, with abdominal pain, and well, not very regular. Dr. Kadam did an ultrasound on her stomach and saw that her ovaries were the size of small melons, when they normally are the size of limes. While it was normal after the meds, it was uncomfortable for Kelsey. She felt better knowing this and was glad she came in with us, and then we decided to head out for some sightseeing.

We hadn't had much luck looking for gifts over the past few days but eventually found some great things in Juhu, across from the JW Marriott.

After some walking on Linking Road, a stop at Mickey D's (we had to do it), shopping under a really hot covered area in Juhu, we decided to call our driver. As we were crossing the very busy street amdist the "tuk tuk's" or two-stroke electric rikshaws, Kelsey was looking very white in the face and said, "I think I'm gonna faint"...

Bill grabbed her arm and literally helped her across the street to the sidewalk. The girl was pale as a ghost and I was feeling terrible for her. After sitting on the curb for a few minutes and taking in some water, she was feeling better -- but man, that was very scary. Recuperating in the comfort of our air-conditioned car, things were looking good. It was then, on a sidestreet off the main drag, that we stumbled upon a political protest. It all seemed very nice and civilized until they started punching the cardboard cut out of who ever they were protesting, and then lighting the cut out on fire.

The traffic started backing up and things were getting a little aggressive...and we were basically stuck for about five minutes. I have to say I was pretty tense but I tried not to show it. Our driver chuckled a bit but I don't think any of us in the car thought it was too funny. It probably was very tame and civilized under Indian standards, but I don't want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. As I get older I start to realize that. My adventurous youth is a thing of the past. I'd rather have boring evenings with a baby (or two).

Fingers crossed.

After Two Days of Incubation..

2009-09-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, after two days of incubation, our 15 embryos were graded by Goral Gandhi as 3A's, 3B's and 9 C's. I've been mulling these number over in my head ever since we found out. I'm understanding that these grades could change, after talking to Dr. Kadam, but we are concerned that if we use all the best graded embryos on the first attempt, we will lose the remaining frozen ones once we thaw. It's common that embryos go down a grade when put through the thawing process, so you can do the math -- basically we lose the 9 C's if we don't use them now or if they stay C's and haven't grown more in the last 24 hours, the B's may go to C's and the A's to B's. Goral is grading them again this morning. Someone give me a Xanax.

Transfer is at 9 am, which is in about two hours. At that time we'll have about 15 minutes to decide when we consult with Goral and Kadam. We haven't come all this way for not, GOSH DARNIT (I'm holding back can you tell?)!!

Think good thoughts.

Today is Report Card Day

2009-09-22T19:25:00.000-07:00

You know that feeling when you know your report card is coming from school and you fantasized that you were going to get all A's? Well this is one of those times as we wait for the grading of our embryos, which should come in today.

The latest update from the embryologist was yesterday, that out of 27 mature eggs that were injected with sperm, 15 of them fertilized. I know we had a huge number of eggs retrieved from Kelsey so even 15 fertilized eggs is very good. If half of them are graded A then we are in excellent shape for multiple attempts if we don't get pregnant the first time (but we WILL, darnit!). As we are contemplating all of this I go in to research mode and look at everyone's blogs who has come to India, how many embryos they ended up with, how they were graded, and how many were transfered. I know tomorrow morning we are going to have to make the blindest decision of our lives -- how many to transfer in to our surrogate. So I wanted to be armed with as much info as I can get.

As I've said before, nothing is certain. We are hugely optimistic and have heard from so many of you who have said we are blessed to be in this situation. But we know it's a crap shoot, with great odds, I might add! So...hope for the best and I'll post the report card once it's in. I am hoping we get a first glimpse at what these little guys look like, too. So I'll post that if we get it.

In the meantime, more photos from our sightseeing yesterday.

Kelsey shopping in South Mumbai

At the Gate of India

The Taj Hotel Palace and Towers, site of the terrorist bombings last November (that's Parashar from Your Man In India -- he IS THE MAN!)

At the Gate of India

Finally, I had to post a photo of Kelsey after the procedure. She's glowing! Such the ROCKSTAR!!!!!

A Big Day!

2009-09-21T18:59:00.001-07:00

Yesterday went amazingly well. We retrieved 35 eggs of which 27 were mature and the embryologist could use to perform ICSI on, where they inject Bill's sperm in to each egg, one at a time. So today we find out how many actually fertilized. And then tomorrow we get the grading of our embryos, which will determine how many we actually transfer. After the procedure, which was performed by the clinic's founder, Dr. Allahbadia (wonderful man!), I went in to see Kelsey. I've mentioned before she was scared and nervous beforehand, so I was so anxious for this part to be over for her. I sat next to her bed in the recovery room and she opened her eyes. The first thing she said was "did you get everything you needed? I want to make sure you and Bill have everything you need..." How selfless that she was thinking of us before herself! We both cried and I hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. She was super groggy and I could tell she was uncomfortable, but she still managed to worry about us. When she heard she had 35 eggs in there her eyes got really big and said something I can't type here..."no wonder I was so bloated and full all the time"...it's understandable since she was carrying almost three dozen eggs!!!

Well our little egg-producing Olympian was done with her job, putting us in very good shape for freezing embryos if the first attempt didn't work this Thursday. Things are happening so fast...it's exciting!

Egg Retrieval Day

2009-09-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

Sunset shots from our hotel room

It's about 6 am on egg retrieval day. Kelsey's procedure is at 9 am and I am confident things will go well. As I said, there were a lot of eggs shown in the ultrasound, some of them measuring 20 mm, so I would imagine that would be uncomfortable. We are going to try to bring Kelsey back to the hotel after she comes around (the procedure is about 20-30 minutes under general anesthesia), this was Kelsey's request as it's a bit cramped at Rotunda and there is a nice, comfy hotel room waiting for her. She's been watching the first season of "Lost" on this trip so I think she's also anxious to continue the saga.

I'll keep everyone posted on how things go with the procedure. Think good thoughts...In the meantime, her are some photos that we took yesterday.

Rotunda

At the ITC Sheraton in Juhu Beach

At the Afghani restaurant. No napkins, just aprons. Huh?!

At the Hare Krishna Temple. The God Vishnya

Waiting for Parashar at the Taj Lands End

The breakfast buffet at the Taj is AMAZING! And it's INCLUDED. Double amazing!!!

We've arrived!

2009-09-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

After a long journey we finally arrived last night at 9 pm. This morning we all went to Rotunda for Kelsey's second ultrasound and to have a consultation with Dr. Kadam. The scan showed what the first one did, that there were a lot of eggs (high 20s, low 30s) and they were big buggers (Kelsey kept mentioning how bloated and swollen she felt). So Kadam scheduled Kelsey for her trigger shot tonight, and the retrieval on Monday morning. This caught us a bit by surprise because everything was moved up three days. This was good news, I just think Kelsey realized that everything was happening in a couple days, and it made her a bit nervous. And while the clinic was great and the staff was very helpful, it was different than what Kelsey had experienced at home with fertility clinics (in L.A. and San Francisco). It's all just a little scary for her...we tried to comfort her but I think the hormones were in full swing! There were a few tears and hugs afterwards, and long talks about how she was feeling, and how appreciative we were!, and then she felt better. The good thing is that Kelsey just had one shot left (which she just took from a staff nurse who came to the hotel at 10:30 pm), to release the eggs from her ovaries over the next 36 hours, and then they'd be ready for retrieval.

After the procedure Dr. Kadam called and said that our surrogate had some bleeding, which caught us by surprise again...but we had no control over this and had to just deal with it. So she sent us a few back up surrogate profiles in case our first choice wasn't a good candidate any more. We chose one and stayed positive. The fact is we've got a lot going for us. This will happen.

While Kelsey stayed in the hotel, Bill and I walked around the Bandra area where our hotel is located. It's festival season and the streets are packed. I really enjoyed immersing ourselves in the culture though it was nice to get back to the hotel. Here's some video:

Right now it's time for bed. We've got an early appointment tomorrow for some blood tests and then off to some temples and shopping. Should be a full day. Until tomorrow...

P.S. I forgot to add a shot of the public restrooms that we came upon as we were walking. And yes, they were open for use.

Bill is enjoying his seat

2009-09-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

Gotta love the little umbrella!

Kelsey arrived in Newark

2009-09-17T17:08:00.000-07:00

Off to Mumbai! Ready for our 15 hour+ flight...thought this was a
great photo of Kelsey. Who's the old guy???

Goodbye Honolulu! Mumbai here we come!

2009-09-16T22:48:00.000-07:00

Well we are off! As evident by the jetway pulling away from the plane in Honolulu...on to Newark for a nine hour layover, meet Kelsey and then the three musketeeers are off to Mumbai...reminiscent of "Slumdog"! Thanks John, for the reference. Hoping we are just as
lucky in Mumbai! Peace out...

I Found Billy Looking at Strollers in Target

2009-09-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

I had to snap this shot the other day at Target. We were running around picking things up for the upcoming India trip and I couldn't seemed to find Bill...turned the corner and there he was hanging with the strollers... :-)

Pump Up The Volume

2009-09-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

Well Kelsey is on Day Two of the fertility meds to pump up her hormones and get her to, as our embryologist appropriately put it, “makes lots of eggs!” She gave us a bit of a scare yesterday when she thought that she didn’t have enough of the Lupron to last for two weeks, but apparently there was some math translation that needed to take place, milligrams to milliliters or something like that. Not sure if it was an India to U.S. prescription thing or not, but I guess it was just another foreign territory to cover. Being 2,500 miles away during her pre-trip prep has made it challenging, but Kelsey is managing VERY WELL. If I had my way I’d like to be there to translate since it’s confusing, as she is receiving instructions via Mumbai, Los Angeles and Honolulu, but we are doing pretty good so far. Last night her first shots were administered by a friend who takes insulin, so I was very happy to hear she had an injection veteran there to help out. When we all meet in Newark next week Thursday I think I’m going to have to give her a shot since our travel time is about 35 hours. Hopefully she can guide me as she'll have a week under her belt. And anyone who has traveled with fertility medications before, please let me know what your experience has been going through airport security. As you know, the Lupron and Gonal-F have to be refrigerated so I’m not sure exactly how to do this without causing a panic with TSA. I’ve sent an email to the airlines to inquire. I’ll let you know what I hear.

While Kelsey “pumps up” her ovaries, Bill and I are using this last weekend to do the same to our list of "things to do" before we leave Wednesday. In the midst of a wedding and two dinner parties, it will be a crazy weekend. Bill keeps agreeing to all these get-togethers and I keep looking at him like he's a masochist! We actually booked a day trip to the Taj Mahal and are using the infamous Parashar with Your Man In India for our car transfers and general needs. He’s been very responsive to my emails and it will be nice to meet him next week. We understand that the trip to the Taj will be a journey, but we can’t go all this way and not see something so amazing. It’s a two-hour flight from Mumbai to Delhi, and then a 3 hour+ car ride to Agra, where we will spend about five hours at the Taj Mahal and then turn around and drive back to the Delhi airport. I’m hoping all goes smoothly and we make our 9 pm return flight, my career as a travel agent is riding on this one! I also made a connection with a friend of a friend who lives in Pune, about 100km outside Mumbai. He’s going to suggest some sights to see, restaurants, etc. He, like many, warned us about the shock value of the city, the poverty, the contrasts and contradictions. I think no matter how well we prepare it will never be enough. I’m guessing with everything we are about to embark upon, you just have to experience it.

Ok, so yesterday I had another one of those overwhelming moments that caught me by surprise. Kelsey texted me that “George had arrived with his bags”. George being her period, I was happy to know that the birth control was doing such a fine job and the fertility meds would begin soon so we could really start our engines on this baby race. Soon after I also heard from the genetics counselor that Kelsey's Cystic Fibrosis testing came back very good (though we didn’t have a doubt that it wouldn’t, we mostly did this to be more definite). When I sent her the results her reply was, “I know, yay! I really am the perfect donor.” I chuckled and thought “how cute”. And then I cried. This was a vision, I might add. It was the classic shot people have in their minds of a 6’4” grown man crying at work – kinda goofy-looking and a bit pathetic. I sat there, hunched over at my desk, tears literally falling on my iPhone, trying to go unnoticed in my cubicle. While I have never been one who is embarrassed to cry, I can honestly say I was startled by how quickly my tears came. My reply to her was as heartfelt as a text could get – I thanked her, as we had been doing for months. I told her how much it meant to us, which was also starting to sound like a broken record. And finally, something I hadn’t fully realized before because it was literally happening before my eyes, I told her how happy I was that we had become so much closer because of this. With all the gifts that she was giving us, this was the most unexpected. I am so thankful.

Surrogate: APPROVED

2009-09-01T22:05:00.001-07:00

At the end of August Bill and I received an email from Rotunda titled "Surrogate Profile" and I took a moment to pause and reflect on this journey we've been on since January. I thought about how long we’ve waited for these milestones to arrive -- having my niece agree to be our egg donor, determining viability for both Kelsey and Bill, and such crazy things as regulating a period, for goodness sake! As I paused I recognized that bringing everyone to the table has been a long process for all three of us, one that I would easily do over again, but long and involved nonetheless. In a way, the arrival of this email was another baby “stake” to place in the sand and say, "we made it this far" and then keep moving forward. I remember reading through the one-page document that included a photo, age, number of children, marital status and other health information and thinking that I had to share this with Bill and Kelsey...since this was the woman that in just a few weeks time would be attempting to get pregnant with KK's egg fertilized by Bill's sperm. Gotta love science.

As some background to the whole surrogate selection thing, I had heard from a few other IPs that Indian women on average are petite, and that getting a bigger surrogate was sometimes difficult. One couple had chosen a surro and then at the last minute had to go with another because of a complication. The new one was under 90 lbs so that made me kinda nervous, mostly because we have a chance of twins (and my mother was an identical twin) AND my family and Bill's are both big and tall. I asked Dr. Kadam at Rotunda if we could ask for a surro that was over 100 lbs and she said that she would be able to accommodate that request -- good news.

So after a few questions and discussion, Bill and I decided we would go with the surrogate selected by Rotunda. She is 5'3" and 150 lbs (which is great since I had been hearing so much about petite women). She's married, 23 years old and has had two children. From the photo we received she looks like a nice woman, and while I understand that IPs don't usually get to have a relationship with their surrogate, Bill and I want to bring her something as our token of thanks. But then again, what do you give someone who is giving you the opportunity of a child? -- it's just crazy to think about what gift could possibly thank this person – I doubt a box of chocolates is going to suffice.

So as we made the decision to go with our surrogate and this milestone was becoming a thing of the past, I get an email from Goral Gandhi who is the embryologist at Rotunda: “So we are all set!"...and then she said something that made me chuckle and twitch nervously at the same time: "let's hope Kelsey makes lots of eggs!" She even put a smiley face next to her statement.

Time to start that fertility dance :-)

Trusting the Universe

2009-08-19T15:20:00.000-07:00

We are a little less than a month away from our trip to Mumbai and I am just as excited and anxious and giddy as I have been since April, but I admit there is a tinge of uneasiness flitting through my body. It's kind of like when the reality of what you are doing and working so hard for every day is finally upon you, the thought of failing can send you into a brief moment of terror.

I guess because up until now it's been all about FERTILE, FERTILE, FERTILE -- fertile surrogates, fertile 25-year-old niece's eggs, fertile Bill sperm, fertility doctors, we've got this fertility thing up the wazoo!...so you'd think the combination of all these extremely fertile individuals HAS to equal a zygote to an embryo to a fetus, to voila!, a BABY, right?! I've even realized that most clinic's pregnancy success rates are based on couples who are having problems staying pregnant, so those percentages should be much, much higher for the big, fat fertility possie who will be converging upon Mumbai on September 18th, RIGHT?!

Well, while the numbers lean that way, I only wish things could be that sure and fail proof when it comes to what we are doing. In the end, we wish, we hope, we prepare, we do the best fertility dance we can muster up...and then we impregnate. After that we leave it up to "something else" orbiting outside the universe of meds, embryologists, motility counts, the perfect womb and 25-year old eggs. And we wait. And while I'm not going to ponder what that "something else" is on this blog, I do know this: if given the chance, Bill and I will pour our heart and souls in to raising this child, surround it with love and family and friends, give it the gift of a good education and as much of the abundancies of life we can afford, and send it out in to the world confident we did the best we could.

On this I speak the truth.

San Francisco - Cincinnati - London - Mumbai

2009-08-08T00:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, my friends, that is the route Bill's genetic material traveled, frozen at -150 degrees, hand carried, en route to Mumbai.

Tracking history...

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Date and time	Status	Location Service Area
8/8/2009 11:54 am	Shipment delivered.	Mumbai (bombay), India Why is this?
8:42 am	With delivery courier.	Mumbai (bombay), India
7:22 am	Arrived at DHL facility.	Mumbai (bombay), India
6:30 am	Depart Facility	Mumbai (bombay), India
6:30 am	Processed at DHL Location.	Mumbai (bombay), India
5:37 am	Transit through DHL facility	Mumbai (bombay), India
2:36 am	Clearance processing complete	Mumbai (bombay), India
8/7/2009 9:05 am	Depart Facility	London-heathrow, United Kingdom
5:17 am	Processed at DHL Location.	London-heathrow, United Kingdom
12:12 am	Transit through DHL facility	London-heathrow, United Kingdom
8/6/2009 7:50 am	Depart Facility	Cincinnati Hub, OH
4:47 am	Processed at DHL Location.	Cincinnati Hub, OH
2:48 am	Transit through DHL facility	Cincinnati Hub, OH
8/5/2009 7:59 pm	Depart Facility	San Francisco Gateway, CA
7:18 pm	Transit through DHL facility	San Francisco Gateway, CA
6:43 pm	Depart Facility	San Francisco, CA
5:49 pm	Processed at DHL Location.	San Francisco, CA
5:35 pm	Departing origin.	San Francisco, CA
4:41 pm	Shipment picked up	San Francisco, CA

Shipment details...

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From

Shipment information


PACIFIR FERTILITY CENTER
S F, CA 94133
United States


Mumbai (bombay), India


Ship date: 8/5/2009
Pieces: 1
Total weight: 30.0 lbs Note on weight

Service: International ExpressMore info
Description: EXPRESS WORLDWIDE (nondoc)HUMAN SEM

Shipment delivered.

Delivered on: 8/8/2009 11:54 am

Delivered to:

Signed for by: RAMONAWhat is this?

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I got a little nervous when I was tracking it (yes I was tracking it, I'm a freak), wondering if it would stop in every city between California and India, only to be left for pick up by some rickshaw driver on the curb at the airport in Mumbai. But hey, I've got no complaints. It made it safely, that's all that counts. And I am going to smother Ramona, the woman that signed for this precious shipment, with hugs and kisses when I see her at Rotunda in September. We're halfway there!!!! (well, kind of).